Scholarship / You cannot hope to build a better world without improving the individuals; leadership question [4]

Hi,

I think that your essay is very nice and it can show your influence and leadership skills.

One think I just wanna share from my personal opinion is that you dont really need the first two paragraph to show the reader how do you think about leadership. Since in these short essays, the reader just want to know about your answer to the question, so just be direct and straight forward in explaining your experience. Instead, in the 3rd paragraph where you share about your leadership, I think you can elaborate more in each case rather than just provide a short story on these experience.

Scholarship / Strong network I get would be beneficial for my career and Indonesia coastal development [3]

Hi,

Well, I can see that you outline your plan once returning to your home country by continue developing your family business and utilize the study and network from being a Chevening scholar. However, your plan on how connecting between UK and your future plan is still general. In my opinion, try to figure our if there is any UK company/ organization/ that work on the same areas of your interests and connect it with your career plan.

Scholarship / My network will be expanded from my Chevening experience and those worldwide connections [3]

Hi,

I think that you can show your networking experience in professional context and it benefits your work. However, I guess you should try to convert the sentences a bit especially in the first paragraph to see that you are an active actor in creating and developing the network rather than because you were asked to go for the business trip from the company,

Scholarship / Meeting with different peoples had enabled me to see things from different points of view [7]

Hi ,

I can see that you can develop and maintain a particular relationship which benefit in your work at university. However, maybe it just can show your relationship with one person. Therefore, if you can share your experience in developing the network in different and wider community, your essay would be stronger....

(just my personal opinion though)