Scholarship / I intend to connect with a wider community through Chevening network. [3]

I think the core of networking essay is to mention a certain problem and who did you use your network to solve it...I think you need to rewrite your essay and to demonstrate your network in an implementable way

Scholarship / Picking Loughborough University, University of Reading, and Salford for their reputable achievements [3]

I think you have a good essay but with some unrelated info. I think you should delete those data about the university ranking and campus area as they are already known.