Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by TheMistyMolly
Name: Rachel
Joined: Nov 26, 2017
Last Post: Dec 11, 2017
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
Likes: 1
From: USA
School: CBHS

Displayed posts: 5
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TheMistyMolly   
Dec 11, 2017
Undergraduate / SOCIALLY AMBIDEXTROUS - CommonApp Personal Statement [6]

I am a fellow student applying to college (you posted on one of my threads earlier today). I hope this helps you!

1.When we found one, my brother and I were startled, if not shocked by the way our taxi driver handled our bags and spoke to our parents.

I would change the punctuation of this sentence to ... were startled--if not shocked--by the way ...

2. I feel like this sentence is a run-on "What was worse was, our ...". Maybe change it to What was worse was when our parents ... fare, half the words they were arguing were flying over my unaccustomed head.

3. Maybe find a way to make the second to last paragraph more relevant or have a greater meaning in the essay.

4. Great ending. You did a wonderful job closing everything together.
TheMistyMolly   
Dec 7, 2017
Undergraduate / Shapeshifter - College essay about self love and realization of ones self [4]

From a person who is non religious (like the other colleges you are applying to), I think this is a solid essay. If you were to use this for Common App Topic A, I believe it should work just fine. Don't write a new essay for them, just tone down the religious references (like @Holt suggested).
TheMistyMolly   
Dec 7, 2017
Undergraduate / Common App Topic A essay and Rice short answers [3]

How did you first learn about Rice University, and what motivated you to apply? (250 words)

I honestly do not remember the first time I learned about Rice University. As a born and raised Houstonian, it was a place I seemed to always know as a world-class institution. Rice has always offered exquisite professors that are accessible. This allows for opportunities to get involved in undergraduate research in institutes like Rice 360°. This also allows for me to also become educated in areas outside of my major. Also, since it is a top-ranking school, it would offer the best peers. These peers would be innovative and collaborating with them would allow me to grow and motivate me to constantly strive for perfection. Through this collaboration and programs such as the Center for Civic Leadership, I will be able to get leadership experience that is essential for any future career I have.

A few years ago, my mom started having extreme levels of high blood pressure. To discover what the problem was, she went to a cardiologist, Dr. Mehdi Razavi. With his help, they were able to fix her health problems and let her live a better life. This gave me faith in the Texas Medical Center, where Dr. Razavi works. He also has a role in Rice as the Adjunct Associate Professor of Bioengineering. Knowing Rice has experts like Dr. Razavi and since Rice is seemingly next door to the Medical Center, going to Rice would allow access to masterful professors and opportunities to volunteer in the medical field.

The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What personal perspective would you contribute to life at Rice? (500 word limit)

A few years ago, my grandfather shot himself. It was a suicide attempt. Sadly, it ended up being successful. Although some may view this way of dying as "shameful", I view it as everything but that.

A few weeks before his death, my grandfather had a stroke. He was alone, but was able to recognize the signs of the stroke and call an ambulance. (I plan to explain how this instance created a fear in him that will later made him want to end his life so his life doesn't end without him being able to choose for it to end)

From this experience, I have formed a new way of viewing my life. Since I am young, I (hopefully) have a long time left with it. However, in the end, every choice we make will lead to the same place: death. Since it is inevitable, why waste time living life in a way you don't want to when you can choose to live in a way you enjoy. This was one idea that my grandfather held deeply; it was even what led him to his death. He didn't want his life to be out of his hands and in the hands of whatever illness or danger he would face next, therefore he took the initiative to plan how he wanted to live his life-even to the very end. I have learned from him to take the initiative and to try and make my life as best as it can be; live life to the fullest.

And this is actually one of the reasons why I want to go to Rice: the university will allow me to get the best education I can receive. Getting into Rice will allow me to apply my life perspective, taking life into my own hands and doing the best I can with it. Why waste a day when we mortals only have so many to begin with? I will live my life in the best way I can and will try to improve the lives of others as well.

For the first response, I feel it is quite bland and won't catch the attention of the admission officers. What do y'all (yes, I use the word y'all haha excuse my Texan) think about it? do y'all have any tips for improving it?

For the second response, I feel like as of right now it is a bit scattered. I haven't finish explaining the paragraph explaining why my grandfather did it, but other than that,

do you see anything that needs to be added/fixed to make it flow together in a better way? Also, I feel like the last paragraph is a bit odd sounding too.

TheMistyMolly   
Dec 7, 2017
Undergraduate / Write an essay about someone different from yourself who has made an impact on your life?(My friend) [6]

I suggest saying that Maria means a lot to you because she it a reliable friend (you have known her for years) and that she has opened your perspective to different ways of living life (and you have learned from those other aspects (example; not being as shy)). Explain how she has made you into a better person and how she has changed your life for the better.

Also, I would expand more on the differences between you two. Explain how she has leaned from you and maybe give examples on how she has taught you to not be she. Right now it is a bit vague.

Little BTW: the sentence "She has thought many tactics as to not being shy." seems to be missing the word me and you mean to use the word taught. (She has taught me many tactics on how to not be shy)
TheMistyMolly   
Dec 7, 2017
Essays / Much ado about nothing essay [4]

I'm not sure if I'm just not able to see the essay or if you are asking for help on the prompt. If you need help on the prompt and haven't read the play, maybe try looking in sparknotes or shmoop to get summaries of it. Also, you could watch a movie version of it if you can find one online for free.
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