Posts by weext

weext

Dec 31, 2017

Writing Feedback / A letter from a friend IELTS writing task 1 General - where to go for holidays? [3]

I'm assuming that you are referring to Ha Long Bay or Vinh Ha Long (in Vietnamese). Although I've never been there, I know that is a beautiful tourist spot with many activities (many of which you already mentioned).

Your second sentence is very unnecessarily long and run-on. You should either separate them into two sentences or just simply state that Ha Long is where you recommend that Sarah goes. I'm not sure of how tough the grading or reviewing would be but I feel like your recommendation is unconvincing as is. Maybe use more sensory words to illustrate how wonderful it is so that Sarah would want to go. What hotel did you go to? What did the ocean look like? Was there a hustle and bustle of people/activity. Was the food savory, sweet? Any lingering aromas or specific foods that make you salivate that would make you (or Sarah) want to go? If you loved the seafood, maybe emphasize how sweet the fresh seafood is (as compared to rubbery freezer seafood you can sometimes get in the US). When naming activities, maybe choose one to elaborate on. What did you do? What was it like? Rush of excitement? Thrill? It doesn't have to be a huge explanation, you can be succinct.

weext

Dec 31, 2017

Undergraduate / Any edits or suggestions for my Why Cornell essay? Leveraging my technological problem-solving [3]

I think that it's great that you were so inspired by the movie (believe me, I loved that movie too), but I think you're missing 'you' in your essay. You talk a lot about the school and what it's known for. If you talked about you and your aspirations the same way that you talked about Cornell, I think it would prove to be a more convincing and amazing essay. I'm sure Cornell gets told how amazing they are daily. But why would Cornell suit/fit you? Why would you give Cornell a chance?

weext

Dec 31, 2017

Research Papers / Real v Artificial Christmas Trees [3]

I think that the first two sentences of your essay are generalizations. They would only be true if everyone in your audience has had a live Christmas tree or has gotten a chance to go to a lot to pick out a live tree like you suggested. I can tell you, I have never had a live tree and neither have I experienced that rush of picking a live one.

Since 2008, trees made with PVC were banned. It has been almost ten years since then. Were those trees made prior to 2008 still shipped and sent to the US for consumption/usage? And it is safe to assume or state that if you have a newer tree, post-2008, it won't be hazardous to your health? I think you made a valid point about Christmas trees being landfill waste since it can't decompose, are there any stats about how many artificial trees lay in waste? Since 20 out of the 50 million trees are 9 years or older.

Live trees support more jobs for people who grow, tend to, and cut down live trees. It is tree that trees absorb carbon dioxide to release oxygen, but I think it's a logical fallacy to say that using live trees (which lead to the trees being cut down and halting the photosynthesis process) will be a benefit to the environment. Three new trees will be grown in it's place. But it takes 7-10 years for trees to grow. The immediate trade off is not beneficial, it will take a lot of time for the trade off to be seen.

This persuasive argument does have a good start, but I think that you need to address certain issues with live trees that are common fears or concerns for consumers: bugs/insects and fire hazards. Real trees that are dry are a huge fire hazard and can catch fire quickly, potentially undoing any 'good' that it might be doing.

I'm not a tree expert of anything, but I thought I'd point these things out and hopefully strengthen your arguments.

weext

Dec 31, 2017

Undergraduate / I inspire members to do more, learn more, dream more, also become more, in this, I am a leader. [3]

Although pretty obvious, I think you should elaborate more on what a democratic leadership style is. Democratic leaders consult with the group before issuing orders, listens and adapts to messages of the team, influences without coercing the group into something they don't want, gauge reaction of the group (verbal and nonverbal) before making decisions. Leads by developing consensus decision rather than telling people what to do or think. Everything you've mentioned in your essay reinforces your leadership style, but I think elaborating will help distinguish your it from a laissez-faire leadership style in the first paragraph.

I think communication is a key player in all group dynamics. Although you can attribute your strong group bond to being close, I feel like communication is very vital. Presenting information, expressing assent or dissent, it facilitates dialogues amongst the group but also helps establish the closeness of the group/family you have.

weext

Dec 31, 2017

Research Papers / Research paper on negative stigma regarding mental illness and [how to prevent it]? [3]

Research paper on negative stigma regarding mental illness and how to prevent it. I used in-text citations for the research paper but decided not to include it. Everything was cited properly. I'd like some feedback on the information I presented. Can you please read my introduction, thesis statement and see if I did a decent job from beginning to conclusion? I feel like the conclusion is lacking but am unsure how to approach it.

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Tackling the Negative Stigma on Mental Illness

Nearly 1 in 5 Americans suffer from mental illness each year in the United States. About 50% of people with serious mental illnesses are untreated each year ("50% of Mentally Ill Untreated") With these statistics, it is very possible that someone you know may be affected by it. Despite the prevalence of mental illness in the United States, there is such a negative stigma on issues of mental health. The negative stigma on mental illnesses seriously impedes the lives of those affected, we must take steps to prevent and eventually stop the stigmatization of mental illness.

At one point in everyone's lives, they've probably heard of at least one type of mental illness. Anxiety/panic disorders, bipolar disorder, depression, schizophrenia, or substance abuse & addiction are a few of the common mental health issues ("Types of Mental Illness"). Negative stigma, or negative attitudes and beliefs towards people afflicted with mental disorders are common ("Mental health: Overcoming the stigma of mental illness"). What is negative stigma? Negative stigma is when someone or something is viewed in a negative way and it can lead to discrimination ("Mental health: Overcoming the stigma of mental illness"). One can even discriminate or judge themselves when affected with mental illness ("Mental health: Overcoming the stigma of mental illness"). The fear of being judged or looked down upon by society for having a mental illness can have a crippling effect, which is not seeking help.

Having a mental illness can be dehabilating because it can impede the lives of those affected. People with mental illnesses experience more stigma than those with other health problems. "Stigma is principally a psychological and social phenomenon," and is perpetuated by misinformation. Despite the increasing access to information, the mass majority are still ill-informed about mental illnesses (Mantovani). Why is that? Regardless of how much information is available or how accessible it is to the public, negative stigma can make even the most educated of individuals fall victim to prejudice. There was a study conducted to test the effectiveness of educating medical professionals on the prejudices they may have towards those with mental illnesses (Papish). Although the outcome of the study proved to be fruitful and yielded in more medical professionals being aware of their prejudices and to practice making more unbiased observations in their patients, it is obvious to see that even medical professionals have negative stigmas regarding mental health issues.

As if having a mental illness is not bad enough, those afflicted with mental illnesses are challenged doubly, from the disease and the stereotypes/discrimination from the disease. Those afflicted with mental illnesses are already struggling with the symptoms and disabilities that result from the illnesses (Corrigan). Medical professionals have an equal or even greater degree of prejudice towards those with mental illnesses compared to the general public (Papish). This prejudice makes a patient unable to get the best healthcare or treatment. Even with the best treatment or course of medications to tackles symptoms of certain mental health issues like depression, they are not always effective. There will be days where there are highs and lows, medication are not a cure-all (Billitteri). So those without access to great health care or a supportive network are just set up to fail when it comes to living a "normal" life.

When it comes to laws and regulations made to protect those with mental illnesses, more are catered to support of business groups and organizations against mental health issues. Leslie Mendez was an applicant to the Peace Corps with an exemplary resume. After being invited to join the Peace Corps, Ms. Mendez was informed shortly thereafter that her invitation had been revoked due to the fact that she took medication for her depression (Billitteri). Such a prominent organization like Peace Corps had rules and guidelines in effect that prevented those afflicted with mental illness from prospering. Although there are guidelines to by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, EEOC, and American with Disabilities Act, ADA, made to protect people with mental illness, the rules are unclear (Billiteri). Guidelines and policies can be challenged or questioned. These guidelines and policies must be revisited so that they can provide more protection to the 1 in 5 Americans affected by mental illnesses.

What can be done to prevent and eventually stop the stigmatization of mental illnesses? It is very important to intervene during infancy, childhood, adolescence and youth when it comes to the prevention of stigmatization of mental illnesses (Furber). As Furber had stated, like diabetes, with early intervention and education, those affected by it can live a long and healthy life. Steps for early education (and thus prevention) should be taken like Representative George Grady who created a bill to combat mental illness stigma. This representative's bill would require schools to teach students to recognize symptoms of mental illnesses, like depression, and to emphasize that mental illnesses are common, inherited and treatable (Becker). It is with hope that these steps towards early prevention can allow people to grow up with an unbiased understanding of mental illness to stop the perpetuation of misinformation and negative stigma.

With more education, policy change, and the deprogramming of the belief that mental illness is a bad thing, it is possible to stop negative stigma surrounding mental health. The 50% of Americans that are untreated due to fear of being judged or criticized can hopefully one day look forward to no judgement. That way, everyone will be able to live a "normal" life, one with good health.