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Posts by wintergirl898
Name: Jane Maeng
Joined: Jan 1, 2018
Last Post: Jan 2, 2018
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  
Likes: 1
From: United States of America
School: MPS

Displayed posts: 3
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wintergirl898   
Jan 2, 2018
Undergraduate / "My Passion for Environmental Protection" - Why NYU Essay [4]

"The global exposure at NYU will helps me Str excel ..." NYU hasn't done this just yet!
Besides the sentence above, I enjoyed the ideas in your essay! Holt's comments would definitely make your essay better, but from this essay, I can tell that why you are passionate about environmental sustainability and your plans to take full advantage of the resources NYU has to offer to you to achieve your goals.

Good luck :)
wintergirl898   
Jan 2, 2018
Scholarship / Describe your academic goals and how they are appropriate to your long range goals Scholarship essay [5]

BMaster, I would suggest you focus on another long-term goal as getting a Bachelor's degree from the University is not going to automatically give you financial freedom. I actually think you mention your true long-term goal in the last sentence, having your own computer engineering business. Perhaps talking about your goals for your business and then talking about some of the programs/courses that the University offers that would help you build your business and achieve your goals would be better.

Also, specify the name of the school instead of saying "your university", it'll make the essay sound more personal to the school :)
Good luck!
wintergirl898   
Jan 1, 2018
Undergraduate / Why Swarthmore? Swarthmore's commitment to collaboration and community service is amazing [4]

Hello,
Below is my

why Swarthmore supplement

. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

In 150 to 250 words, please write about why you are interested in applying to and attending Swarthmore

Discovering that Swarthmore is part of the Tri-School consortium furthered my interest in the school as it reflected the school's commitment towards collaboration. It especially resonated with my experience in collaborative study outside my school curriculum. After falling in love with my chemistry class in my sophomore year, I enrolled in a Science, Technology, and Public Policy course at a summer camp that summer. My peers and I openly discussed the scientific advancements currently being considered for public use and my professor enlightened us of the fundamental role the government plays in supporting and regulating scientific research. It enriched my interest in the field of science. I also learned that the best learning takes place in an open discussion with different minds. At Swarthmore, I am confident that I will grow intellectually. Swarthmore supports and encourages Swatties to exchange knowledge, whether it is done on campus or at Bryn Mawr and Haverford with peers of different disciplines.

Moreover, I believe that I can make a difference at Swarthmore since we both have a great focus on community service. In the past, I have designed a game with an aim to encourage young girls to engage in math and STEM fields as my Girl Scouts Silver Award project. With the resources such as the Lang Center, I can continue to design such projects through the CIL's program, Swat Tank. With Swarthmore's value on civic engagement, I hope to supplement my passion for STEM with service to the community at Swarthmore.
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