Posts by Hueiru

Hueiru

Jan 29, 2018

Writing Feedback / "Are all Whites generous givers?" based on a picture [4]

@Holt
Hi, Holt

Thank you so much for your comment! Though we had different feelings toward the picture, your idea and frame was much more comprehensive.

Actually, we did additional exercise before writing an essay of this picture. That was giving a 30-50 word description of the picture. The following was the description of mine and showed a feeling different from yours.

"A white hand stretches out prone to hold a black hand, with its index finger imposing a little pressure on the wrist of the black. The white seems to be in the shoes of the black, and the black softly accepts and holds the white's hand and power."

I would like to know that based on this description, would the essay I wrote be better?

I do agree with your advice that I should keep a balance between ancient and modern history. I really concentrated on ancient history too much which I read from articles in class. And like you said, I'm still not good at using proper collocation and descriptive words. I must manage to improve.

Thank you for the suggestion and encouragement. That do help a lot!

Hueiru

Jan 28, 2018

Writing Feedback / "Are all Whites generous givers?" based on a picture [4]

Hi, friends.
The ideas and the statements in the following essay are from some articles I studied in our school, so please try not to judge the position of this essay. Instead of really taking a stand, I just used some historical knowledge of the book and wanted to practice writing and form a well structured essay. Please help me improve grammar and word usage and the structure. Thank you!

a relewant topic based on the picture

(Please see the attached picture of this writing exercise.)

Since European started their adventure to explore what is called the New World, conflicts between the white and the black have never come to an end. The whites from centralized, stratified, and civilized countries saw the black as barbarians, needing to be enlightened and educated. The conquerors of empires were always superior and the givers who generously taught the racialized inhabitants how to live. But some evidence certainly shows that they are blinded and hardly open-minded toward cultural diversity.

The whites have been dominant for more than two centuries, so the blacks are mostly their target to show their intelligence and generosity. The centralized society produces laws, police system, political bureaucracies, and educational institutions led them to more progress and higher productivity. They possessed abundant of strengths to beat and control the black populations. Throughout the history, they've given out an array of contributions to societies of the blacks: bringing them technological improvement and providing education as well as the holly religion. It seemed that the blacks had nothing in their lives.

However, the greater acceptance and openness of the blacks should not be neglected. The black did not have the power of technology and centralized institutions. People live together like big families that even the big man of the people share everything with members who would be called the "commoners" in the white societies. They tended to view everyone as their brother or sister and be inclusive toward differences. At the beginning, they had no choice but to surrender to the whites. While they gained tolerance to the whites, the whites regarded them as people without wisdom and power to claim lives that could win respect.

The whites generously providing the fruits of their advanced societies do not require nothing. They offered the convenience of being a member of their modern people, meanwhile, they asked for tribute, labors (or slaves) and loyalty for privileged class. No matter how humble or tolerant the blacks are, the white would not really open their mind to appreciate it.