jgbiel47
Jan 30, 2018
Scholarship / KGSP Study Plan - Improving ride quality of high-speed trains [3]
Hi Holt, thanks a lot for your review.
I understand when you say that my paragraph 3 is the only one covering the the study plan. However, I tried to construct my essay in this way:
1st paragraph: The reason why I am interested about the railway field. (Don't you think I need it?)
2nd paragraph: Explaning why I decided to apply to that university and why my future research will cover vehicle dynamics. I tried to briefly cover what I want to study in here.
3rd paragraph: As you said, this one covers the research plan. I agree that I need to work more on it following the points you mentioned.
4th paragraph: This last paragraph comes only as a simple conclusion. (Should I remove this kind of appeal?)
I am sorry for making you read it through again, but I wrote this reading previews study plans, and I am really stucked to change the format of my current essay and still make a fair line numbers (since you said my 3rd paragraph is the only worth using).
Again, thanks a lot for being so helpful.
Hi Holt, thanks a lot for your review.
I understand when you say that my paragraph 3 is the only one covering the the study plan. However, I tried to construct my essay in this way:
1st paragraph: The reason why I am interested about the railway field. (Don't you think I need it?)
2nd paragraph: Explaning why I decided to apply to that university and why my future research will cover vehicle dynamics. I tried to briefly cover what I want to study in here.
3rd paragraph: As you said, this one covers the research plan. I agree that I need to work more on it following the points you mentioned.
4th paragraph: This last paragraph comes only as a simple conclusion. (Should I remove this kind of appeal?)
I am sorry for making you read it through again, but I wrote this reading previews study plans, and I am really stucked to change the format of my current essay and still make a fair line numbers (since you said my 3rd paragraph is the only worth using).
Again, thanks a lot for being so helpful.