gultom
Apr 5, 2018
Scholarship / Scholarship Response about education barriers [4]
I agree with holt, I think your essay is too political. You should be careful to write a tendentious essay like this, because not necessarily the scholarship committee will agree with your politics. You said that after the age of 16 you will get an ID card to go to Jerusalem, where more educational opportunities there, it shows that the wall you think is holding you back is not entirely true. You too show your emotions rather than write things hamper your education. It is not a good thing to be presented in an essay for scholarships, where members of the scholarship committee have different backgrounds. Try to write something that inspires others rather than blaming a certain group of people for your misfortune.
I agree with holt, I think your essay is too political. You should be careful to write a tendentious essay like this, because not necessarily the scholarship committee will agree with your politics. You said that after the age of 16 you will get an ID card to go to Jerusalem, where more educational opportunities there, it shows that the wall you think is holding you back is not entirely true. You too show your emotions rather than write things hamper your education. It is not a good thing to be presented in an essay for scholarships, where members of the scholarship committee have different backgrounds. Try to write something that inspires others rather than blaming a certain group of people for your misfortune.
