Writing Feedback / The great advertising affects people's willing of purchasing - Ielts work [5]

HI LUCY,

Your essay actually seems fine with advanced vocabulary as well as approriate organization that follow Ielts format.
My recommendation is that you had better add some examples in order to demonstrate each of your viewpoint clearly and make your essay more convincing.

For my experience, you can find out more information to use in writing by reading newspaper. Nevertheless, in special circumstances, you are able to give an example from your daily life or somehow just create it on your own as long as it is logical enough.

Goodluck. Im preparing for my Ielts too :)))