Nexus54
Apr 15, 2018
Writing Feedback / WE COULD NEVER LEARN TO BE BRAVE AND PATIENT, IF THERE WERE ONLY JOY IN THE WORLD [4]
1. One main issue of your essay is the lack of a conclusion.
2. Your paragraphs are lacking some examples, some illustrations in order to support your arguments.
3. Some ideas might not be clearly interpreted, some sentences are ambiguous, so here are some of my suggestions :
... the ability towait keep waiting or continue doing maintain an existing state of action despite difficulties.
... as beingcourageous behavior behavioral courageous and is the virtue ...
... in trying andeven keeping faith.
... be better atit handling challenges. Joy can not teach us to be daring ...(This sentence is simply wrong. If you are using or/nor, you must be careful. Suggestion: Joy can neither teach us to be calm and daring nor let us get hold of our feelings)
... we manage toencounter overcome barriers successfully.
... motivates us todo act more bravely ...
And, (Remove comma) when we fail ... that we have gained before ...
... to make the most out of the good ... and connected closely with each others.
1. One main issue of your essay is the lack of a conclusion.
2. Your paragraphs are lacking some examples, some illustrations in order to support your arguments.
3. Some ideas might not be clearly interpreted, some sentences are ambiguous, so here are some of my suggestions :
... the ability to
... as being
... in trying and
... be better at
... we manage to
... motivates us to
And, (Remove comma) when we fail ... that we have gained before ...
... to make the most out of the good ... and connected closely with each others.