awesome lovato
Sep 19, 2009
Undergraduate / "the day she became my mother" - Personal Statement help [3]
Was wondering if someone could edit my Personal Statment Essay. Don't be afraid to be harsh :)
My mother loves to remember the day she became my mother. When she arrived at my foster home I looked up at her and said, "Guess what? I am coming to live with you." She looked down at me, smiled and said, "I know". I had just turned six years old and had been in foster care for five years. We carried the plastic garbage bags that held my worldly possessions to her car and my new life as a daughter began.
I have grown up with an American-Indian father and a Euro-American mother who are Catholic while I was previously raised as a Jew. Growing up in the Bay Area has exposed me to many different types of people. Being around all different kinds of people has taught me to be accepting of them and not to judge them based on their appearances or their choice of lifestyle.
I survived a childhood filled with school, after-school activities, a house full of animals, a stressed-out mother, and a laid-back father. As a little girl, I tried many different activities from Fencing to Ice Hockey. My true passion turned out to be music, mainly playing guitar. I have been playing guitar for the past four years. I find this an accomplishment because I love it so much.
I made my first major choice when I chose to go to Maybeck High School. I was accepted and what a major change it was from my middle school. Maybeck is a college preparatory school, which I was not quite ready to handle. Even though it wasn't the greatest fit for me, I still learned important lessons like time management; I learned that I would fail if I did not put in the appropriate amount of time for schoolwork outside of the classroom. I learned that classes could be interesting and exciting to attend when the teacher is passionate about what they are teaching. I learned that being surrounded by students who are also passionate about what they are learning helps me to become passionate about learning.
When I get interested in a topic I will put in extra time to know all I can about it. For example, I have been interested in Finnish since the 8th grade and for three years I learned as much as I could about Finland, the Finnish language, and Finnish culture on my own. Now I have taken a course in high school Finnish and will be taking classes with the Finnish instructor at UC Berkeley.
It is important for me to be interested in what I am learning at school. It is not enough for me to just take classes and be done for the day. I want to be fully attentive and engaged in class and so I want to attend a college or university that has interesting programs and professors where I will be excited about what I am studying.
I have grown from the little girl who had no choices to a young woman who knows that my life will be largely determined by the decisions that I make. I am keenly aware that the college that I choose and that chooses me will change my life. I am excited to embark on this new adventure.
Was wondering if someone could edit my Personal Statment Essay. Don't be afraid to be harsh :)
My mother loves to remember the day she became my mother. When she arrived at my foster home I looked up at her and said, "Guess what? I am coming to live with you." She looked down at me, smiled and said, "I know". I had just turned six years old and had been in foster care for five years. We carried the plastic garbage bags that held my worldly possessions to her car and my new life as a daughter began.
I have grown up with an American-Indian father and a Euro-American mother who are Catholic while I was previously raised as a Jew. Growing up in the Bay Area has exposed me to many different types of people. Being around all different kinds of people has taught me to be accepting of them and not to judge them based on their appearances or their choice of lifestyle.
I survived a childhood filled with school, after-school activities, a house full of animals, a stressed-out mother, and a laid-back father. As a little girl, I tried many different activities from Fencing to Ice Hockey. My true passion turned out to be music, mainly playing guitar. I have been playing guitar for the past four years. I find this an accomplishment because I love it so much.
I made my first major choice when I chose to go to Maybeck High School. I was accepted and what a major change it was from my middle school. Maybeck is a college preparatory school, which I was not quite ready to handle. Even though it wasn't the greatest fit for me, I still learned important lessons like time management; I learned that I would fail if I did not put in the appropriate amount of time for schoolwork outside of the classroom. I learned that classes could be interesting and exciting to attend when the teacher is passionate about what they are teaching. I learned that being surrounded by students who are also passionate about what they are learning helps me to become passionate about learning.
When I get interested in a topic I will put in extra time to know all I can about it. For example, I have been interested in Finnish since the 8th grade and for three years I learned as much as I could about Finland, the Finnish language, and Finnish culture on my own. Now I have taken a course in high school Finnish and will be taking classes with the Finnish instructor at UC Berkeley.
It is important for me to be interested in what I am learning at school. It is not enough for me to just take classes and be done for the day. I want to be fully attentive and engaged in class and so I want to attend a college or university that has interesting programs and professors where I will be excited about what I am studying.
I have grown from the little girl who had no choices to a young woman who knows that my life will be largely determined by the decisions that I make. I am keenly aware that the college that I choose and that chooses me will change my life. I am excited to embark on this new adventure.
