msyoshino
Aug 7, 2018
Writing Feedback / The majority of UK students speak at least one other language in addition to English [3]
Hello @Holt
Thank you so much for the feedback. It's extremely helpful and I'm so glad that I found this forum. I've rewritten the essay with the provided introductory paragraph and ended up with 182 words. It would be great if you could kindly offer your insight again.
My essay:
The pie charts represent the data regarding the measurement of British students enrolled at an undisclosed British university who had the ability to converse in other languages aside from English in the years 2000 and 2010. The measurements for the 6 sections representing No other language, Spanish only, French only, Another language, German only, and Two other languages were presented in the percentage format. Overall, the trend showed an increase in No other language learners which was up 5% in 2010 from the original 2000 measurement.
As indicated, roughly one-third of the learners could not speak any other languages (30% in 2000 and 35% in 2010). As for students who could converse in Spanish, the proportion halved to 10% by 2010.
On the other hand, in 2000, French and Another language speakers accounted for identical proportions at 15%, whereas by 2010 the former declined and the latter increased, both by 5%. The percentages of German and Two other languages speakers were also the same at 10% in 2000. Although in 2010 the former remained unchanged, the latter saw an increase of 5%.
Hello @Holt
Thank you so much for the feedback. It's extremely helpful and I'm so glad that I found this forum. I've rewritten the essay with the provided introductory paragraph and ended up with 182 words. It would be great if you could kindly offer your insight again.
My essay:
The pie charts represent the data regarding the measurement of British students enrolled at an undisclosed British university who had the ability to converse in other languages aside from English in the years 2000 and 2010. The measurements for the 6 sections representing No other language, Spanish only, French only, Another language, German only, and Two other languages were presented in the percentage format. Overall, the trend showed an increase in No other language learners which was up 5% in 2010 from the original 2000 measurement.
As indicated, roughly one-third of the learners could not speak any other languages (30% in 2000 and 35% in 2010). As for students who could converse in Spanish, the proportion halved to 10% by 2010.
On the other hand, in 2000, French and Another language speakers accounted for identical proportions at 15%, whereas by 2010 the former declined and the latter increased, both by 5%. The percentages of German and Two other languages speakers were also the same at 10% in 2000. Although in 2010 the former remained unchanged, the latter saw an increase of 5%.
