Leozhq
Sep 20, 2009
Undergraduate / The Tense Tour Guide (Short Answer for Common App) [4]
OK, here is my revision:
Any further advice is highly welcome, thx!
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Suddenly, "Let me introduce the east campus" came out of my mouth, loud and clear. This awkward scene happened on a meeting of volunteers, who will receive visiting students from Taiwan. To keep my word, I rushed to research on the campus' scenic spots. Besides reciting materials, I found imitating a decent 'tour-guide' necessary... The preparation period saw an ordinary me: considerate and serious.
That day, I greeted the visitors with my deep-rooted dialect. However, the speech produced an outburst of laugh, because of my strange tone and stern look. I had no sooner tried to self-introduce than those lively students mimicked me... Despite the embarrassment, I asked myself: 'Why make the circumstance so rigid?' Finally, the tense 'tour-guide' discarded his title and recitation, becoming an accommodating companion. That companion told anecdotes and made many laugh. Watching the growth of him, I gradually understand the whys of my initial words.
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It's also exact 150 words... Is there any way to make it more concise?
And is it necessary to mention the university name? (Here, I omit it due to the word limit...)
OK, here is my revision:
Any further advice is highly welcome, thx!
--------------------------------------------------
Suddenly, "Let me introduce the east campus" came out of my mouth, loud and clear. This awkward scene happened on a meeting of volunteers, who will receive visiting students from Taiwan. To keep my word, I rushed to research on the campus' scenic spots. Besides reciting materials, I found imitating a decent 'tour-guide' necessary... The preparation period saw an ordinary me: considerate and serious.
That day, I greeted the visitors with my deep-rooted dialect. However, the speech produced an outburst of laugh, because of my strange tone and stern look. I had no sooner tried to self-introduce than those lively students mimicked me... Despite the embarrassment, I asked myself: 'Why make the circumstance so rigid?' Finally, the tense 'tour-guide' discarded his title and recitation, becoming an accommodating companion. That companion told anecdotes and made many laugh. Watching the growth of him, I gradually understand the whys of my initial words.
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It's also exact 150 words... Is there any way to make it more concise?
And is it necessary to mention the university name? (Here, I omit it due to the word limit...)