Writing Feedback / [Writing task 2] The decline of face-to-face communication due to the rise of technology [4]

I've just started to practise IELTS writing task 2, and i would greatly appreciate it if you kindly give me some feedback on my writing in this post.

MUST THE RISE OF TECHNOLOGY BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DOWNFALL OF COMMUNICATION?

Today more and more people are using mobile phones and computers. Thus, people are losing the ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that the widespread use of computers and mobile phones is responsible for the loss of human ability to communicate face to face. While i accept that the prevalence of these modern devices may negatively affect people's communication skills, i believe that with proper use, this can benefit people in terms of personal communication.

On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why computers and mobile phones have to take responsibility for the downfall of face-to-face communication. One reason is that the excessive use of these devices discourages real interaction. Young people nowadays tend to spend a large proportion of their time on computer screens or their cell phones rather than with their family members and friends. For example, mealtimes when all the family used to get together are becoming a thing of the past. Furthermore, the misuse of personal electronic devices may bring about less time spent practising and developing communication skills that are essential when people want to express themselves cogently and with clarity. For instance, my close friend who is addicted to playing games on his cell phone had considerable difficulty in articulating his point of view when required to give a speech in front of the class.

On the other hand, computers and mobile phones can bring benefits to people who want to communicate face to face more effectively in many ways. First, there are numerous tutorial videos on the Internet with regard to communication skills. Therefore, people can easily access such videos via mobile devices and gain valuable insights into how to have a good conversation. For example, by putting what he had learned from videos about job interviews on YouTube, my brother successfully landed his dream job at GSK, one of the world's largest pharmaceutical companies. In addition, the prevalence of mobile devices can give young people countless opportunities to develop their language skills. As a result, they will become more confident and find it much easier to have a conversation with native speakers when studying abroad.

For the reasons mentioned above, it is true that the usage of computers and mobile phones can have a negative impact on people's ability to communicate face to face, but i believe that these modern tools can help to develop communication skills, if they are used wisely and properly.