Posts by laurn1020

laurn1020

Oct 12, 2009

Undergraduate / help make my FSU admission essay more professional and itellectual [6]

your essay has numerous grammatical errors, especially in punctuation.

laurn1020

Sep 20, 2009

Undergraduate / "Living within natural and cultural limits" - Stanford- Intellectual Vitality Essay [21]

Great essay.
Very good grammar and appropriate diction.
and you chose an interesting topic, one that not many people would, which will make you stand out.

laurn1020

Sep 20, 2009

Undergraduate / "the bustling cafe" - Common App- Significant Experience [2]

so you're writing an essay where you had to see an essay writing tutor?

this could be thought of as weird.

but in terms of improving it, your opening sentence doesn't flow.
and maybe it should be a bustling cafe, not "the".

"where I want to go to school, my grades, all things that I was able to answer confidently.", i think you should remove the comma between school and my grades. changing it to "where I want to go to school and my grades, all things that I was able to answer confidently."

the sentence where you say, i felt nervous and it was not easy for me, should be rearranged. Maybe take out "and" and replace it with "because". Then remove because from the next fragment and just start out with she.

laurn1020

Sep 20, 2009

Undergraduate / educational and personal goals - UNCW Wilmington Essay [2]

Reflecting on your personal and educational goals, please write about how you believe UNC Wilmington will allow you to grow as a student and as a person.

Growing up as a 90's kid, I partook in many fads, all the way from Walkman C.D. players, to dial-up Internet. But one of the many things that impacted me was a show called Dawson's Creek.

Wilmington, NC is known as the second largest film studio base outside of Hollywood, CA. As a kid, Dawson's Creek influenced me in two ways. When I would watch the show, I was absolutely in love with the scenery. Being raised in a suburban South Florida where every house in every neighborhood looks the same, the diversity and wooded area was extremely appealing to me. Throughout the seasons of the show, I promised myself that not only would I visit this town, but maybe even move there someday.

The second way it influenced me, would determine how I would live my life. As a child, I didn't realize how different I was from other children with my adoration for movies. I would finish a new movie, rewind the VHS and watch it all over again, just picking apart every little detail.

When I learned that Wilmington was the home to many major film studios, and that there was a college there that offered a major in film, I knew it was my fate. The film program at UNCW will help me perfect my skills in writing and photography with the camera. Some film schools are located thousands of miles away from a film studio, whereas at UNCW, I will be given the opportunity to network and get hands on experience while still being a student. Not only will I be able to study in Wilmington by attending UNCW, I will also be given the opportunity to study abroad in Paris and study film.

I believe UNCW will be the best college for me to pursue my love for film. The small town, historical feel that Wilmington has to offer, is the perfect setting for an education. A Seahawk, or osprey, is described to be able to live and flourish in almost any habitat. As a student at UNCW, I would succeed as a Seahawk, by working hard and adapting to the new surroundings as a college student.

ps: seahawks are their mascots.