Undergraduate / UBC Personal Profile Answer - 'kindness is a virtue??'? [4]

Hello! I'm still new to replying and providing feedback on here but I hope to provide you with some new insight and help

I think that you portrayed your emotion in this essay very well but, somewhat to a fault. I feel for this type of essay you should try to distant some of these emotions while trying to convince the reader. I would start off the essay from a "less angry" stance then gradually show that emotion transpire. I enjoyed reading this essay a lot and think it has a lot of potentials to be amazing. I would go back and restructure this essay before submitting.