Undergraduate / UPenn Essay: what got me in? [4]

Hello, so I've recently been admitted into UPenn and have alot of people asking me why I got in.

Now, my academic stats + extracurriculars were pretty average, so I'm pretty sure my acceptance genuinely has ALOT to do with the essay I wrote.

So can someone please list down what the strengths and weaknesses of my UPenn essay are?

Here's the prompt:

How will you explore your intellectual and academic interests at the University of Pennsylvania?

Please answer this question given the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying. (400-650 words)

My response: One long, demeaning stare was all it took for the most confident man I knew to be reduced to nothing. My grandfather was fluent in several of our native Pakistani languages, yet not knowing the English language in post-colonial Pakistan could leave anyone and everyone grappling, within themselves, for a speck of esteem.

Developing an understanding of communicational conundrums with regard to post-catastrophe socio-economic conditions has piqued my interest since the tender age of nine. Although the scope of my intentions to pursue this interest was initially personal, my involvement with the National Institute of Historical and Cultural Research has given rise to a want for exploring this societal dilemma across multinational horizons.

It is at the College of Arts and Sciences that I aim to quench my thirst for knowledge of ethnic complexities through the Communications programme. In particular, I am deeply intrigued by the multifaceted approach of the programme wherein it intersects with psychology, history, sociology, and political science. To this end, UPenn's academic philosophy greatly resonates with my desire to dip my toes into all areas of study that push past the confines of my mind's capacity. For instance, while studying Media and South Asia (COMM 214) with Professor Murali Balaji, I will be able to grasp his vast knowledge of South Asian cultural norms which I can then use to engage in intellectual debate during Professor Romano's Philosophical Problems of Journalism (COMM 377) lecture.

I am, however, aware that academic exploration at The College of Arts and Sciences isn't limited to the classroom and of this, I hope to take the utmost advantage by contributing to research at The Center for Advanced Research in Global Communication, aided by the guidance of seasoned mentors like Marwan M. Kraidy whose extensive research on global media systems, in particular, will inevitably prove to be a crucial tool in refining my journalistic capabilities. Furthermore, I am grossly drawn to the "learning by doing" approach of the Insititute for Public Service, through which I hope to develop a more holistic understanding of how media, in all of its forms, affects the life of the common man.

My fervor for Communication finds its roots in my longing to improve the current state of Pakistani media. Whilst interning for The Tempest, a DC-based online multimedia company, I had the opportunity to take under my wing the stories exploring Pakistanis from all walks of life; it was eye-opening how much the sufferings of people, from highschoolers to sex workers in Heera Mandi had in common, all due to the governmental and cultural restraints on the media's ability to portray their day-to-day struggles.

Itching to discover more, I decided to conduct my own research by surveying people from opposite ends of the socio-economic spectrum in my hometown of Lahore. This experience gave way to a newfound understanding within me of how badly society, at large, had to suffer at the hands of a media having no actual liberty, but just a "free" facade, an insight that continues to encourage me to seek answers beyond every ordinary curriculum in the world.

In this pursuit of mine, I believe a Penn experience will prove to be a life-long confidante, arming me with all that I need to probe into the crossroads of media accessibility, post-catastrophe communication norms, and the relationship these factors share with social class and income.

Please let me know. thanks in advance! :)) also, the more the feedback, the merrier.

Undergraduate / A time, in or outside the classroom, when you worked with others and what you learned from this [3]

Johns Hopkins Supplemental Essay

Hello, I was wondering whether an essay about taking care of my aunt's children as she battled a disease would count as an impressive extracurricular for Johns Hopkins University whose question is the following:

Successful students at Johns Hopkins make the biggest impact by collaborating with others, including peers, mentors, and professors. Talk about a time, in or outside the classroom, when you worked with others and what you learned from the experience.

This is my answer to the prompt and I have already submitted it to several universities so there's really no plagiarising. Please respond with edits as soon as possible.

I had almost reached my saturation point. While picking up my cousin's rattles, I tripped on the juice spilled from her sippy cup. My sister, in the other corner of the room, had let a Lego block suck the soul out of her foot. Although taking care of my cousin was crucial, as my aunt battled post-partum depression, it was no painless feat.

From delving into piles of soiled diapers to interpreting the monotonous cries of a toddler, nothing in this world could have prepared my sister and me for all the trials and tribulations being a child's non-biological mother brought to the table.

It almost felt like the tenderness of our mid-teen years was in shambles. A responsibility far beyond our bodies' capacities had been thrust upon us and much to our dismay, there was no excuse along the lines of "my dog ate my homework" to rid us of it.

My cousin's incessant crying, accompanied with the bags under my eyes, had led my sister and me to the conclusion that this task demanded scrupulous planning and thus even the smallest of our shortcomings could easily lead to major repercussions.

And so we drafted what we called The Ploy. Uncannily similar to a serial killer's hit list, except instead of people's names, one would spot the number of bottles to be filled with formula milk every hour, as well as who would cradle the child and when.

At first, days went by like months, but soon our lives started to revolve not around the intensity of the little one's cries or the sleep deprivation they had caused, but the sparkle in her eyes every single time one of us shook her milk-filled bottle in front of her and the toothless smile we received whenever we sang her a lullaby.

It's baffling, isn't it? How a soul so unfledged can make two relatively mature ones realize the power of organization is still a mystery to me, but it's, regardless, something I am perpetually indebted to my cousin for.

Despite not being able to utter a single word, the little one had managed to put our lives in order, using simple human expression.

And while initially my sister and I had assumed that we would have to teach her how to live life, we now look back and realize that it was, in effect, the exact opposite.