Scholarship / KGSP PERSONAL STATEMENT ART AND PERFORMING ARTS MANAGEMENT [3]

Hi, I noticed some grammar mistake, particularly in some preposition. It should be non-profit, not no-profit. I think your motivation is somewhat weak. Try to add some example of some success in the raising of visual and performance arts. That might strengthen your motivation. Overall, you have answered the question prompt but you just need to fix the grammar and add some transition and develop your writing.

Good Luck

Scholarship / Engineering aspirations - GKS-G personal statement [4]

I think your essay is too wordy. You should definitely revamp some sentences. You mention how you select the computer science but I think you should be more focus on the 'why', what is your inner call which relate with your professional and academic background. You also need to elaborate more on your current study since you might have no professional experience. Wish you have the best luck.

Thank You.

Scholarship / Fulbright Master Degree Scholarship - Study Objective Essay [3]

I think you haven't stated your educational background and its relation to your proposed field of study. Moreover, I felt like there is a huge jump from business analyst to a lecturer since you were not mentioning the reasons.

Graduate / Digital Triangle Team - Review my admission essay. [3]

I think you should pay more attention to the connection of each paragraph. For instance, it might be best to address the connection of scout camp and volunteer work with the JAWWO generation. How the skills help you to run the web?

And, you should watch some of the punctuation. Like, " In 2008, I founded ....."
Best of Luck

Graduate / 1st Essay - Global MBA Program, Shidler College of Business (University of Hawaii at Manoa) [5]

I think you should remove the racial stereotype in 'Courage' part. From my perspective, You should be careful to write the second paragraph, try not to be pictured as arrogant. Wish u luck

Graduate / KGSP Application - Part 2 (research goal - how can I contribute?) [7]

I think you should elaborate more on the research method and change the third paragraph as the second paragraph. From my perspective, you should mention the research timeline, the breakdown of each method, and the data that you need for the research.