Posts by gviiivayh

gviiivayh

Apr 22, 2019

Writing Feedback / If you had the power to change anything in your country, what would you most like to change and why? [4]

In the first place, loads of informal language, perhaps this kind of register can be used in TOEIC writing, but, it is still rather informal, contractions, uncapitalised 'I' and so on.

Some of your sentences are really unnecessary, for instance, people tend to use their personal vehicles ~~which are cars and motorbikes~~ for convenient commuting. , I mean, everybody knows what public transport is and what private cars are, you don't really need to elaborate on that imo.

Also, you need to improve your overall cohesion and consistency.

Regards,
Angyang

gviiivayh

Feb 15, 2019

Writing Feedback / Advantages and disadvantages when comparing pubic transport with private cars. [6]

@TJLuschen
Thanks for your detailed correction.
This is actually the second I wrote this sort of "quotation essay", as we are practising quotation, summary and paraphrase this semester, so as you can tell I'm not competent at quoting.(T T)

I just wanna thank you again for what you've marked, I'll pay more attention to my wording, expression and punctuation.

@darknight99
I'm flattered that you've commented on my writing, thanks for your assistance.
Regarding the conclusion, in actual fact I didn't write the introduction and the conclusion, as we are told not to write them. All we need to do is just to brainstorm the "body", that's why you may feel the writing is kinda incomplete!

gviiivayh

Feb 15, 2019

Writing Feedback / Advantages and disadvantages when comparing pubic transport with private cars. [6]

@moessam85
I'm really grateful for you suggestions.
As for the coherence of my writing, I'm not to afraid to tell that that is my all-time weakness. I was even told what I wrote is kind of stream of consciousness.(i feel sad tho)

I know what my problems are, the thing I'm gonna do perhaps is just try to practise more.
Your advice on the "disadvantage" aspect is great as well.

gviiivayh

Feb 15, 2019

Writing Feedback / Advantages and disadvantages when comparing pubic transport with private cars. [6]

There are advantages and disadvantages when comparing pubic transport with private cars. Discuss the reasons that motivate suggestions for change. Also analyse some of the solutions.

"The more democratic the process, the more public transport is favoured"

By comparison with private cars, public transport seems to have quite a lot advantages. First and foremost, public transport is much more efficient than cars(Author, 2015). After having introduced free public transport to its citizens, Dunkirk is undergoing a revolution(Willsher, 2018). According to Willsher(as cited in Pointart, 2018), she is saving money and buses come every 10 minutes so she does not have to wait long. As stated by Newman(2005), the auto-dependent city model is not only inefficient in economic, but also in environmental terms. Secondly, inflated car fuel made people want to find alternatives. Contamin(as cited in Willsher, 2018) said that he almost never took the bus. But free public transport has given their the opportunity. Before the bus was for those who had no choice: the young, the old, the poor who don't have cars. Now it's for everyone.(Vergriete, as cited in Willsher,2018).Last but not least, people can talk to each other on their commute(Willsher,2018). According to Willsher(2018), someone admits she sometimes takes the bus "just for the fun of it". Additionally, it is impossible to talk with somebody if a person is commuting alone. The odds are that you'll be able to interact with lots of people from different cultures if you use public transport as opposed to travelling private.

As stated by Newman (2005), "The more democratic the process, the more public transport is favoured." Take Portland, a referendum was held on whether to spend money on the light rail road, eventually the rail proposal won and the railway worked spectacularly well. In the years that have followed, more and more rail systems have been put in, dramatically changing the nature of the city. Besides, the free public policy, it may not work in every city, according to Faucher(2018), some people have taken free buses for granted, it seems to have no value at all. But it is good for the environment, it is a social measure, a gesture of "solidarity" and promotes a more egalitarian redistribution of wealth than tax cuts.(Vergriete, as cited in Willsher,2018) Having said that, the contribution of free public transport policy should not be underestimated. It promotes local city tourism whilst satisfying citizens' needs. For instance, people do not need to spending time on buying tickets and they can even charging their mobile on a bus.(Willsher,2018). Environmentalist and urban planners have it that public transport helps cities reduce traffic congestion and the overall level of pollution. This means that if you use public transport, you will be reducing congestion as well as pollution within and around your city. Why not contribute to making your city a better place by using public transport.