Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2: Using punishment as a way to deal with challenging behaviour in children... [4]

I would much appreciate if you guys read it and give me some feedback. And also I want to know which band score can I get with this essay, thank you!

Essay topics:
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

motivation without harm a child

Education plays a very important role in maintaining the sustainability of any society. It gives people the power of critical thinking and sharpens people's skills, therefore, every new generation is a better and a more advanced generation than the previous one. At an early age, education's foremost task, is to guide children to distinguish the good from the bad, and in order to reach the highest level of effectiveness, punishments are applied on them, I personally agree with this assumption only to a certain extent, such extensions and sorts of appropriate punishments will be elaborated on in this following essay.

First of all, I agree with the noble and practical purposes of this opinion, which is to educate children the basic moralities of the society we are living in. From the position of being the older generation, I acknowledge the necessity of teaching children and guiding them on the right paths, therefore they could contribute to society in the future. The early age is the perfect period of time to shape such ideas in their minds and integrate them in the children consciousness. However, I am not fully agreed with the second part of the statement, which is: "punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction."

The reason why I don't fully agree with the aforementioned part of the statement is that extreme punishments should be strongly prohibited due to its negative impacts on their children's neurologic system. Extreme punishments consist of violence, verbal attacks, rejection of personal values, etc. This wrong approachment result in not just a damaged innocent soul but also the severe consequences to the society in the future. Many statistics pointed out that the majorities of criminals, serial killers and psychopaths were victims of extreme punishments they had suffered during their childhood. Therefore, the effectiveness of punishments on children is a very controversial topic at many educational programs and forums.

However, punishments could be allowed to a certain extent. Each individual child is distinctive from one another, which lead to the conclusion that each child requires a different method of teaching or disciplines. Every parent should start with being sympathy and opened up to their children. You can consult on people with expertise or a mentor to deliver the most suitable treatments for your children. Such punishment might include: community services, public apologies, etc.

In conclusion, it is crucial to educate children from a young age to meet up with the standard of morality. However, there are ways to do so without harming the children, both mentally and physically, because all children are demanded to be assured of their well-being, along with the development in their personal values.