Writing Feedback / [IELTS WRITING TASK 2] Education from school or parents? [4]

Hi. I'm now learning the Ielts but i'm not sure what is my current band of writing. Can you help me check it and give me a certain band if possible? Any help will be appreciated.

Parent Engagement in Children's Learning

Topic: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

While some people believe that caregivers should take the responsibility for teaching children the way to become good members of society, others contend that it is the task of the educational system. From my perspective, education from both parents and school are necessary.

On the one hand, it is the family life that has the greatest impact on the personality of children. A child by nature mimics what his parents do because he spends most of his time with them. In other words, whether his behavior is good or bad depends largely on how the caretakers teach him. For example, if a mother throws rubbish in the trash can, her children will think that it is the right thing to do and keep doing it after that. In contrast, it can be terrible if children listen to their parents using bad language and copy it. Therefore, parents being good role models is absolutely important in forming moral values for their children, especially from an early age.

On the other hand, there are several reasons why school plays a vital role in teaching children to be good humans. Firstly, students can learn academic lessons from teachers at the public education system, which are not usually taught at home. In order to make a positive contribution to the society, one needs to have both good moral qualities and knowledge. A basic ground work of academic knowledge paves the way for children to study further and thus can serve the community better. For instance, it is essential for a doctor to both be humane and to have deep understandings about medicine. Secondly, school is similar to a miniature society because each student has a different background and characteristics. Interacting with teachers and friends enables students to learn how to respect differences among them. For this reason, children can be more sociable when they grow up.

In conclusion, the roles that the family and the educational system possess in raising children to be civilized people are equally important. Therefore, I believe that both sides have to work together to offer the best education for their children.