Writing Feedback / Seeking early independence from parents - TOEFL [3]

Topic
Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Faster transition to adulthood

Essay:
In my view, young adults should live with their families for a longer time. Family is the most important part of any person's life. There are many advantages of staying with parents.

First, The main advantage of staying with parents is they teach a child good social and cultural values. When we are with family, we can celebrate the festivals and holidays and we can learn their importance in our lives. If we are staying with our family, we need not have to think about basic needs such as food, laundry, grocery etc. Thus, When there is a ample of time available to children, they can concentrate more on the studies or the work they are doing and it helps them to achieve success in the respective fields. I have a friend who decided to stay independently from his family after high school. It was very difficult for him to manage his bills and school togather. He had to study during the day and work during the evening to survive. However, he learned how to be self dependent but his study grades were declined as compared to high school. Another example, I have seen a video on youtube title "With mom and without mom". It showed lots of difference in our life with and withour mother in one's life. One of that is when a girl was sick, she had to order soup from outside and had to sleep in that condition. On the contrary with mom around, she got homemade soup and her mother gave her medicine and she recovered fast. Thus, Staying with family is a better option.

Second, The other advantage of staying with family is that, whenever we are in a situation from which we can not think of a way out, we have alway someone who can guide us the proper way to handle the situation. The person who stays independently doesnt have this advantage of elderly guidance. For example, one student in my class was staying alone with his few friends separate from his parents. He used to get monthly expences from his parents but due to independence he was more inclined towards roaming, going to movies and his grades were affected badly. Sometimes personal problems also affect the most when a person is alone. Having someone as a guiding star is alway beneficial.

Thus, As per my opinion young adults should not think of independence from their parents very soon in their life. They should think of staying alone when they have a proper place in their life and in their career such that they can afford their own expenses. Though staying with the family will always have advantage having good moral responsibilities and having a problem solver throughout the life. So. Young adults should prefer to live with their families for a longer time.