Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: TOPIC Education for 18+ years [5]

school until the age of eighteen

I'm preparing for the IELTS. Now I'm writing an Ielts essay. But I'm not sure which band my essay is. Here is my essay

Topic: Everyone should stay a school until 18
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay

It is true that people should remain studying at school until the age of eighteen. While it is a positive trend, students completing their studying are apt to have more chances to gain a good job, some drop-outs may turn into a successful and affluent people.

On the one hand, staying at school until eighteen can bring a great deal of benefits and pros. Firstly, it is essential that people have universal knowledge of , which can help them cope with difficult situations in their life and explain some natural phenomena. On top of that, studying at school until adulthood and little effort is synonymous with obtaining a degree which can see them through difficulty in finding a good job. Furthermore, this trend will create a more educated future generation of people which can eliminate some social and unemployment problems

On the other hand, it is this idea that brings a number of cons with it. Teachers tend to provide to-take-exams knowledge for students that can not make them feel exhilarated. The minority of students may have had a clear career orientation, so what they need is real-world knowledge is not provided at school. Some other students, may be geniuses, can complete their studying way before the age of 18. What they need is to work or to start up. And for those who wish to pursue a career that requires more practical learning, such as a qualified builder or electrician, it is unnecessary to remain at school until eighteen.

In conclusion, there are a number of pros from remaining at school until the age of eighteen, but having said that, I personally reckon that there are still some cons from this idea

Which band do you think my essay is? You can judge anything about my essay.
Thank you very much