karmabelle
Oct 20, 2007
Writing Feedback / "The people we admire most shape who we become" - analogy essay [2]
I'm writing an essay for my grade 12 english class. The topic is "the people we admire most shape who we become" and it's taken me forever to get where I have so far and I don't think it's very good. What I have is my the start of the paragraphs I would like to do but I can't think of what I should add to them. Any critiques, tips, ideas etc will be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
When we are first born we are a fresh canvas, blank, unscathed, and innocent, just waiting to be painted on by those we meet on our journey in life. No outside influences have yet coloured the individual we will eventually become. We are painted by a number of different people and various experiences in our lives, all of which change the result of what the canvas will be.
The first and foremost people to set a paintbrush on the canvas (whether we care to admit it or not) are our parents. In our childhood they lay the foundation upon which other people can add. Our parents are the people who teach us our morals, which stick with us for the rest of our lives. Try as we might, it is very difficult to erase this foundation, although it may become buried beneath a multitude of different colours as we grow older, meet more people, and gain more experiences. This is not to say that we have no choice or opinion in the matter of what we become.
We choose our friends and our role models, and they are the people we admire most or aspire to become. After our parents, they come a close second in painting our personality. We often imitate the actions of our role models which is why it is so important to choose them wisely. They can be anyone in our life from family or friends to famous actors or actresses.
It is not only people who add depth to the canvas however, but also experiences . All experiences, big and small will change the outcome of how we, the canvas, will turn out. Usually the experiences which change us most deeply are the one where we realise how much we take for granted. For example, someone who has battled with cancer will unlikely be the same person afterwards.
What else can I add? Where should I go from here?
I'm writing an essay for my grade 12 english class. The topic is "the people we admire most shape who we become" and it's taken me forever to get where I have so far and I don't think it's very good. What I have is my the start of the paragraphs I would like to do but I can't think of what I should add to them. Any critiques, tips, ideas etc will be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
When we are first born we are a fresh canvas, blank, unscathed, and innocent, just waiting to be painted on by those we meet on our journey in life. No outside influences have yet coloured the individual we will eventually become. We are painted by a number of different people and various experiences in our lives, all of which change the result of what the canvas will be.
The first and foremost people to set a paintbrush on the canvas (whether we care to admit it or not) are our parents. In our childhood they lay the foundation upon which other people can add. Our parents are the people who teach us our morals, which stick with us for the rest of our lives. Try as we might, it is very difficult to erase this foundation, although it may become buried beneath a multitude of different colours as we grow older, meet more people, and gain more experiences. This is not to say that we have no choice or opinion in the matter of what we become.
We choose our friends and our role models, and they are the people we admire most or aspire to become. After our parents, they come a close second in painting our personality. We often imitate the actions of our role models which is why it is so important to choose them wisely. They can be anyone in our life from family or friends to famous actors or actresses.
It is not only people who add depth to the canvas however, but also experiences . All experiences, big and small will change the outcome of how we, the canvas, will turn out. Usually the experiences which change us most deeply are the one where we realise how much we take for granted. For example, someone who has battled with cancer will unlikely be the same person afterwards.
What else can I add? Where should I go from here?
