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Posts by razor0424
Name: Cho En Ray
Joined: Aug 23, 2019
Last Post: Aug 29, 2019
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  
Likes: 2
From: Taiwan
School: Taichung First Senior High School

Displayed posts: 3
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Aug 29, 2019
Writing Feedback / Government should spent sufficient amount of money on development and promotion of arts and artists [2]

I think you spent to much space in the first paragraph. The first paragraph should just be an introduction which includes a general idea and your simple answer to the question. It is better to focus more on the second and the third paragraph as they are the main paragraphs, and how much score you will receive also highly depend on this portion. The other problem would be the "Perhaps" and the "Probably". You're supposed to provide your opinions and be confident about them, so I suggest you can start with something like, "I believe..." or "In my opinion...", which would be much more appropriate for a part 2 essay for ielts. The conclusion is quite good.
Aug 23, 2019
Undergraduate / I want to pursue a degree in Computer Engineering or Mechanical Engineering - AIF reply [3]

Waterloo AIF essay

Could anyone please take a look at my answer to the AIF question? Harsh criticize accept.
Question 1:
Reasons for choosing your program and Waterloo.
Please tell us about your educational goals, your interest in your chosen programs, and your reasons for applying to the University of Waterloo. If you have applied more than one program please discuss your interest in each program. (900)

I want to pursue a degree in Computer Engineering or Mechanical Engineering and I believe Waterloo will be the perfect place for me. I was inspired by the advanced technology in the movie, Iron Man, and Jarvis, in particular, impressed me the most. I was so curious about how the machines were built and how the programs were written to control them, and I believe the resources in Waterloo can support me to carry out researches regarding these. Waterloo is renowned for its excellence in innovation and I think my goal to specialize in the science and technology field can be achieved efficiently since innovation is one of the most important elements for engineering. Additionally, the co-op program would not only effectively improve both my academic knowledge and engineering skills, but also provide me a greater opportunity to work in big technology corporations.