Posts by kirstenlee

kirstenlee

Aug 25, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : SPENDING ON CONSUMER GOODS IN FRANCE AND THE UK- BAR CHART [2]

I think that you should not use "opposing to" and use "while" instead in the first line of the third paragraph.
Also, I suggest that you should replace "spent" with other words or paraphase in order not to use "spend" too many times
For example, "... spent on five ..." can be paraphased " ... paid for five different ...

kirstenlee

Aug 25, 2019

Writing Feedback / The proportion of the most popular sports played by boys and girls in New Zealand (IELTS 1) [2]

The most common sports played in New Zealand

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of the most popular sports played by boys and girls in New Zealand in 2002. Overall, it is clearly that while 2 genders have approximately equal percentage in athletes, basketball and tennis, the others go in opposite direction.

In terms of netball and swimming, while this figure of boys only makes up 1% and nearly 23% particularly, girls absolutely dominate boys with the rates of precisely 25% and nearly 22%, respectively. In basketbal and tennis, the percentage of girls is slightly lower than this of boys about 2%.

Although boys have lower rates rates than girls do in swimming and netball, the proportion of boys is by far higher than that of girls in cricket, marital arts, soccer and other sports. Especially, boys joining in soccer greatly outnumbers girls around 25% to 5%, which is five times as much as the figure of girls. In other sportssuch as tennis and basketball, the percentage of boys participating in is higher than that of girls from 2% to 3%.