Fatima333
Aug 29, 2019
Scholarship / With this scholarship, I will be better equipped as a leader who has passion for quality education [2]
I am applying for the same scholarship so i wish you all the best
I may not be a very good writer but there are things that i think you should work on
I wouldn't have known that your essay was about leadership if you didn't mention it already. You are basically enumerating your skills (your creative thinking, problem solving and decision-making skills) without even showing how these skills contribute to leadership and how they can be of any use for a leader! These are good skills yes but how are you using them to lead?
I don't think they want to know if you were a team leader before, they want to know more about your leadership skills, which is different. So don't depend fully on mentioning that you were in a leader position before.
As for your first body paragraph i think it wasn't so good, it could be written in a much better way showing that even when you weren't in the leader position, you could actually show and use your leadership capability and influence others, by two of the most important skills required to make a good leader which are problem-solving and decision-making skills.
This is just an idea, you can adjust it and write it in your own way if you want.
I really hope i was useful and that i explained what i meant well.
I am applying for the same scholarship so i wish you all the best
I may not be a very good writer but there are things that i think you should work on
I wouldn't have known that your essay was about leadership if you didn't mention it already. You are basically enumerating your skills (your creative thinking, problem solving and decision-making skills) without even showing how these skills contribute to leadership and how they can be of any use for a leader! These are good skills yes but how are you using them to lead?
I don't think they want to know if you were a team leader before, they want to know more about your leadership skills, which is different. So don't depend fully on mentioning that you were in a leader position before.
As for your first body paragraph i think it wasn't so good, it could be written in a much better way showing that even when you weren't in the leader position, you could actually show and use your leadership capability and influence others, by two of the most important skills required to make a good leader which are problem-solving and decision-making skills.
This is just an idea, you can adjust it and write it in your own way if you want.
I really hope i was useful and that i explained what i meant well.