DylanY
Sep 15, 2019
Writing Feedback / TOFEL: Rules in modern society are too strict to young people? [2]
Hi, I am new here. May I ask someone to give me some advice about this typical TOFEL essay?
Nowadays, young people have to meet the strict and rigid rules in current society. Some people believe these rules and regulations actually restrain the development of young people. However, in my perspective, those strict rules in modern society help young people to develop better personalities and acquire more knowledge, for the following reasons.
What should be prioritized is that strict rules of the working environment encourage young people to grasp good personalities and characteristics. To begin with, a lot of well-known companies set strict rules, which require young people to finish a large quantity of assignments including preparing different presentations, finishing piles of paper works and arranging numerous daily meetings in a short time. These rules actually encourage youngsters to always work hard because working hard can help them keep advanced. Moreover, those rules could push them to stand out of the comfort zones and therefore to achieve fame, prestige and wealth because young people are very likely to become lazy without the constraint of strict rules. Here is a concrete example. Jack Ma, the co-founder of Alibaba company, the richest person in China, used to be not very productive and diligent because the rules of the company he stayed in were not rigid and strict. So he deliberately switched his job to another company which had strict rules that required their employees to finish a tremendous number of assignments per day. Finally, these rigid rules help him to foster his favorable and precious personalities and characteristics like persistence, independence and working hard, which laid a solid foundation for his future success. Hence, never should we ignore the fact that strict rules of the working environment encourage young people to grasp good personalities and characteristics.
What is equally worthy discussing is that strict rules of educational institutions stimulate young people to acquire more knowledge. This is because students tend to allocate their time on relax including playing video games, extracurricular activities and chatting online, if they are not restrained by strict rules. So, rigid and demanding regulations in academic institutions help students to always focus on study and therefore to grasp more knowledge. Take my nephew Dylan as an example. His schools did not have strict rules to constrain students' behaviors. So, he always refused to attend some difficult but essential classes such as math and statistics due to the lack of rigid regulations, which caused his bad grade and insufficiency of quantitative knowledge which were critical and crucial to his personal development in the future. So, he only got a dissatisfying job now owing to the deficiency of proper rules when he was studying in school. Accordingly, it is strict rules of educational institutions that stimulate young people to acquire more knowledge.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that strict rules help young people to develop better personalities and acquire more knowledge.
Hi, I am new here. May I ask someone to give me some advice about this typical TOFEL essay?
tight leash for youngsters
Nowadays, young people have to meet the strict and rigid rules in current society. Some people believe these rules and regulations actually restrain the development of young people. However, in my perspective, those strict rules in modern society help young people to develop better personalities and acquire more knowledge, for the following reasons.
What should be prioritized is that strict rules of the working environment encourage young people to grasp good personalities and characteristics. To begin with, a lot of well-known companies set strict rules, which require young people to finish a large quantity of assignments including preparing different presentations, finishing piles of paper works and arranging numerous daily meetings in a short time. These rules actually encourage youngsters to always work hard because working hard can help them keep advanced. Moreover, those rules could push them to stand out of the comfort zones and therefore to achieve fame, prestige and wealth because young people are very likely to become lazy without the constraint of strict rules. Here is a concrete example. Jack Ma, the co-founder of Alibaba company, the richest person in China, used to be not very productive and diligent because the rules of the company he stayed in were not rigid and strict. So he deliberately switched his job to another company which had strict rules that required their employees to finish a tremendous number of assignments per day. Finally, these rigid rules help him to foster his favorable and precious personalities and characteristics like persistence, independence and working hard, which laid a solid foundation for his future success. Hence, never should we ignore the fact that strict rules of the working environment encourage young people to grasp good personalities and characteristics.
What is equally worthy discussing is that strict rules of educational institutions stimulate young people to acquire more knowledge. This is because students tend to allocate their time on relax including playing video games, extracurricular activities and chatting online, if they are not restrained by strict rules. So, rigid and demanding regulations in academic institutions help students to always focus on study and therefore to grasp more knowledge. Take my nephew Dylan as an example. His schools did not have strict rules to constrain students' behaviors. So, he always refused to attend some difficult but essential classes such as math and statistics due to the lack of rigid regulations, which caused his bad grade and insufficiency of quantitative knowledge which were critical and crucial to his personal development in the future. So, he only got a dissatisfying job now owing to the deficiency of proper rules when he was studying in school. Accordingly, it is strict rules of educational institutions that stimulate young people to acquire more knowledge.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that strict rules help young people to develop better personalities and acquire more knowledge.