Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 - problems and solutions of getting enough exercise in cities. [3]

I'm getting an IELTS examination in the next month. Please evaluate my essay and point out my mistakes. Thanks a lot!

sedentary lifestyle in urban areas

Topic: It is difficult for people in the cities to get enough exercise. What are the causes and solutions?

There has been an ever-increasing trend that citizens from urban areas are less likely to take up enough exercise. This issue can be ascribed to a wide range of reasons and it must be addressed with feasible actions.

There are two main explanations why people are leading a sedentary lifestyle in metropolitan cities. One of the main reasons why people do not spend sufficient time on exercising is due to the typical hustle and bustle of living in cities. Commonly, young adults are snowed under exhausting computer work and deadlines in hot pursuit, which prevent them from making a thorough plan for doing exercises. As a result, they feel obligated to sacrifice their time working out at the gym in order to gain better job prospects. Another reason paving the way to reduced exercising hours is the rapid advances in technology and the tremendous growth in amusing TV programs. Particularly, a technology-orientated lifestyle has become increasingly popular among adolescents, which acts as a deterrent from enjoying outdoor recreational pursuits.

A wide range of definite actions must be implemented to combat an idle lifestyle stemming from insufficient exercising hours. One effective solution is to enhance public awareness of the benefits of taking up exercise. For example, citizens will be more mindful of doing exercise daily if they are encouraged through the mass media. Furthermore, the government should consider healthcare as the top priority and provide public subsidies on the construction of sports facilities. Newly-equipped essential sports gear will therefore increase the chance of people getting involved in physical activities by making it more accessible and affordable.

In conclusion, fast pace and technological innovations mainly contribute to lack of exercising in cities, and thorough preparation is key to avoid this negative trend by a number of remedies such as heightened awareness and government sponsorship.