Writing Feedback / IELTS essay with topic: salary aspect importance for job seekers [3]

I'm practicing Writing skill for the IELTS Exam. And I need your comments about the ideas ( whether it's logical or not ); ways to use academic words to replace the informal ones; the grammar; and may be the Band score as well etc. And it would be a pleasure for me to receive your comments about what I should improve. Thanks a lot!

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration

Nowadays, people usually take it for granted that when purchasing a job, the most crucial aspect needed to consider is the salary. In my opinion, I partly agree that the salary is the most importance, but there are other aspects we need to notice apart from it.

When searching for a job, a high salary can bring a number of advantages. Firstly, the salary you get from your work allow you to have a better life. As the world is continuing growing, the more fortune you achieve, the higher standard of living you have. For example, the money paid from your work might allow you to afford a luxurious department to live in. Secondly, knowing the exact salary you will get, you definitely would have more motivation. You would be encouraged to perform to meet the demand of your boss, which is the merely way for you to get paid.

On the one hand, there are two more factors considered to be extremely necessary when looking for a job. Firstly, it is job satisfaction that engage the attention of a great number of employees. Working in a soul-crushing environment, you may soon have mental health problems as you must put up with everything around you without any support. In addition, there are mass of jobs for society and charity that don't give you any money. A plenty of people enjoy showing their empathy for the charity work that they even don't pay attention to the salary, which absolutely deserves compliments.

In conclusion, the salary may be an aspect engaging many candidates, yet there are others which are dependent on each individual's opinions about employment.