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Posts by jamespotter_z7
Joined: Oct 8, 2009
Last Post: Dec 13, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 16  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 18
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jamespotter_z7   
Dec 13, 2009
Undergraduate / Why Lehigh University + Equity and Community - Supplement [6]

your first essay is so general. I bet you can apply to 10 other schools and still use that same essay. Do more research. Find an activity, a program. You have to tell them something that only Lehigh has, and that something makes you want to go there.
jamespotter_z7   
Dec 13, 2009
Undergraduate / What name would you suggest for Grinnell? [13]

I like the nickname. However, some of your sentences are too long. And I think in this prompt you don't have to write the last paragraph, about why you choose Grinnel; in stead, you should elaborate more on the reasons why you name Grinnel ABC
jamespotter_z7   
Oct 22, 2009
Undergraduate / Common application short essay: another about soccer:( [10]

So I have to say about how soccer helps develop as a person? Because I'm afraid it's a little cliche to say about things like soccer helps me to know how to work in group or teaches me to overcome the hardness, etc...
jamespotter_z7   
Oct 21, 2009
Undergraduate / Common application short essay: another about soccer:( [10]

I have made a new draft. But I'm not sure whether I fully understand the topic or not. Any1 plz help!!!
And also it was 14 words above limit:(

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

The sun had rarely risen above the horizon. Two hours before the crucial match, I quiver, amid the December wind, with anxiety. I decided to get warmed up by doing some ball-juggling, the most basic skill. The dirt was slipper after the night rain. My body tried to keep balanced. My eyes stayed focused as the ball bounced up and down on my feet. Gradually, my worries about the crucial match diminished and instead appeared a familiar joy. The feeling got even better when my teammates arrived and wanted to join in. We passed the ball around and did some funny tricks. We made jokes and laughed at each other attempts. The significance of a quarter-final round seemed to disappear, only left was the excitement of a group of soccer-lovers. I came to realize that after ten years of ball-juggling, after hundreds of matches I had played, in the end, the only thing that had always stayed the same was my passion to soccer.
jamespotter_z7   
Oct 20, 2009
Undergraduate / Common application short essay: another about soccer:( [10]

I just want to say that I don't have any special talents in soccer but only my passion for the game. And that passion that helps me stay in the field, it helps me make the best of what I have and contribute to my team ( I don't say that I'm bad at soccer, I just say that I'm not extremely good at it)

Anyway, I agree that this needs a lot of revision. I just finished it 30 minutes before sleeping last night so it's not really good...
jamespotter_z7   
Oct 20, 2009
Undergraduate / Common application short essay: another about soccer:( [10]

This is my short essay for the common app. I choose soccer, which was my first favorite sport.
Every criticism is mostly welcomed:D

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

On the field, I am not the biggest star. I don't have the talents to do tricks with the ball like some of my friends when they dribble past the opponents. I don't have the qualified height and strength to alone stand against two defenders and score the winning goals. Sadly, I possess nothing to contribute to soccer, yet it provides me everything I ever wanted. It is the prestigious armband worn upon me when my school team went to the city championship. It is the chance to share the feelings with my friends, either the thrill of victory when we won the first game or the anguish of defeat after the penalty shoot-out at the quarter-final. And most of all, it gives me something to truly have passion for, the feeling which thankfully have stayed since the very first time my brother taught me to play a real ball.
jamespotter_z7   
Oct 15, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Silence in the house' - common app: Topic of choice [19]

Full of cheerfulness, optimism and confidence, he brings to mind of my past and foreshadows my future; a reflection of my-past-self and an example of my-always-should-be. He stands there, enduringly, to remind me that.

In my ending, there are 2 phrases that I'm not sure that it's expressed correctly. Can anybody give me some advice?
jamespotter_z7   
Oct 14, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Silence in the house' - common app: Topic of choice [19]

Oh yes, for all your helps, of course you can:D
And actually my teacher said she loved it, but I just want to make it better. If you say so, I think I might just leave it there

For the " I knew I was" phrase, I mean that I knew I was happy, so I hoped they would think so too
jamespotter_z7   
Oct 14, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Silence in the house' - common app: Topic of choice [19]

Do you mean I should read carefully again to check for some grammar or expression errors?
And is my ending okay? I mean there are some expressions which I don't know if I have stated correctly?
jamespotter_z7   
Oct 10, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Silence in the house' - common app: Topic of choice [19]

No, it's the photo that's on the shelf:D So I have to change the expression of that sentence, since it's not clear enough.

Anw, many, many thanks for your comments, especially for the "viscera" thing, I have struggled to think of another way to express it but I've found out that I don't even know how to express it in VNese=))
jamespotter_z7   
Oct 9, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Silence in the house' - common app: Topic of choice [19]

Thanks four your comment:D
Most of my adverbs are like at the beginning of a sentence or standing alone in a sentence ( pleasantly, yer chillingly). Do they affect that much?
jamespotter_z7   
Oct 8, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Silence in the house' - common app: Topic of choice [19]

Thanks for your comment:D I'm a little afraid that adcoms may not like the type of " emotional", do you think so?

So how can you say when you feel like something is wrong in your body? Like sometimes when you watch a very emotional movie, you feel something strange inside, how can you express it?
jamespotter_z7   
Oct 8, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Silence in the house' - common app: Topic of choice [19]

Hi guys:D This is my first common app essay so I really want as much feedback as possible from all of you:D Thanks in advance

I am lounging on my bed, at 11 o'clock at night, thinking randomly during a state of insomnia. Outside, I hear a squeaky sound in the living room, probably my host father checking if all the doors are locked. So cautious, he reminds me of my dad at home. Everybody else has gone to sleep. Silence permeates the whole house. The night here is so cold! A gentle breeze flows by, slightly disturbing the photo of my family on the shelf. The fragrance of pine brushes up against my face. Pleasant, yet I can't stand the chilliness. I get up to close the window. Suddenly there is a strange noise, coming from above the house. I lean over, look up to the sky. It's an air plane, appearing as a tiny light-dot. It flickers and draws my attention; it pulls my memory back to the night I first spent outside of Vietnam.

It was the 26th of August. After flying 6 hours from Vietnam, I had to transit at Tokyo. My first time going abroad, especially alone, I felt ... free. My curiosity rose up. I had 6 hours to explore everything, which I thought was so little time with so many things to do. Carrying my backpack and my laptop, I "travelled" all around the Narita airport, which is ten times bigger than the airport at my hometown. I took the airport bus to both of its terminals, I tried as much Japanese food as possible (unfortunately I could only eat three dishes). I even gave directions to the tourists when they thought I was Japanese, which one time earned me three candy bars from a lovely Swedish lady. However, after only five hours, I finished and exhaustedly took a seat in the waiting room.

Having less than an hour left, I simply sat there and looked at people passing by. I saw a family of four walking through, talking and giggling. The daughter jumped on her father's back. Unconsciously, I smiled and kept watching them until they got into the elevator. Then there was a group of teenagers, a boy and two girls. They laughed and seemed to have lots of fun; they chased each other through the whole room, ignoring the world around them, until they got caught by the security.

I watched them and felt something strange, vaguely inside my heart, but I didn't know what it was. The feeling stayed until I over-heard a man sitting near me. He was calling his mother to tell her that he was fine and his trip in Tokyo had been wonderful. His ebullient voice, his mother's caring questions, the sound of "mom" and "son", etc... made me feel a pang in my heart. I felt a flip-flop sensation in my belly. At that time, I discovered the truth. It was not freedom or independence here, it was loneliness.

With one hour left until departure time, I reminisced the times I was in an airport with my family. I saw myself, a 4-year-old boy, the first time having been to an airport. Desiring to discover new things, I ran away from my parents and would have got lost if my dad hadn't found me. He brought me back to our standing and scolded me. I was really scared. I just stood there, rubbed my hands; my eyes were moist with tears. I remembered looking up, the ceiling was so high and far away that I said to myself it would be so scary to get lost, and I would never stay here all by myself. And there was the time I was in the third grade. I lost my birth certificate so the airport officers didn't allow me to get passed with my family; instead I had to be interviewed about some basic information to confirm that I was my parents' son. I was only 8. Standing alone with three strangers, I was so nervous that I couldn't even say my date of birth. From ten meters away, my mother noticed my difficulty. She smiled cordially, came towards me and said "Just stay calm and tell the truth. Don't worry because we are right beside you." And yes, I passed my first ever "oral test" with the most self-assurance in me. And there were many other times we travelled together. We might not always laugh. Sometimes we argued about the best way to carry a luggage. But we were happy because we were there, all of us, together.

My flight was about to take off. Making sure I got all my belongings, I stood up and walked to the airport gate. It was 11 p.m. I looked up in the sky and saw an air plane flying over my head. Leaving behind the "home" where it was sheltered and all the air-traffic controllers always standing by, it held its head up high and made its way to its destination. I wondered how it was when my parents saw me off like this back in Vietnam. Were they sad because their baby son had left, or they happy to know that I was about to take a journey full of knowledge and experiences? I didn't know. But I hoped it was the second one. Because I knew I was.

The plane has flown past Mount Rainier. I can no longer see or hear anything of it. I close the window. The room goes back to its silence. Lying back on my bed, I run my eyes over its emptiness. My clothes are folded tidily on the wardrobe. My "house of friendship" - a cotton-made, colorfully painted, four-bedroom house with funny drawings - is hung nicely above my desk. It was made by my best friend and given to me right before I left. And there is my family photo. It stands proudly at the center of the shelf, distinguishing itself among surrounding books and paper. The scenery of Muong Hoa valley under the resplendent sun makes the photo look so brilliant! Everyone standing in front of it has to gaze with great veneration. Inside is the beautiful scene of the four members of my family. On the left of the photo, I see a lanky 16-year-old boy, taller than anyone else, smiling gently at me. Full of cheerfulness, optimism and confidence, he brings to mind of my past and foreshadows my future; a reflection of my-past-self and an example of my-always-should-be. He stands there, enduringly, to remind me that: being alone isn't necessarily synonymous with being lonely; it just means having to stand on your own feet and manage to do things by yourself. It is not comfortable. But only when you're there will you learn how precious what you had was, and you will know to treasure it.
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