Undergraduate / Common App Essay, Non-Catholic attending Catholic School [2]

I wrote this essay to somewhat describe my experience as being a non-catholic in a catholic school. Please critique harshly! I would like this essay to really stand out when applying to colleges.

I Wasn't Made for the Grade

"How many of you were confirmed within your parish?" my theology teacher asked with confidence, assuming to see each one of her catholic school students raise their hands with certainty. I could feel my cheeks flushing, as I glanced around the room and saw each hand around me rise, until I was the only student left who hadn't given such a gesture confirming my faith. I sat in my seat, arms crossed, feeling unusually hot, as I was trying to avoid eye contact with my teacher. I wished so greatly to be spared from the embarrassment that was slowly creeping behind me, until I could feel it breathing down my neck. As I glanced up at my teacher, immediate eye contact was made and I could sense the chills running through my spine.

After our exchanging of glances, she exclaimed my name with a strong feeling of concern hidden within the syllables. "Were you confirmed within your parish?" she asked while shooting me with her stare, a new note of anger hidden within her voice. As soon as the words slipped through her mouth and out into the air, my ears caught the sound of all fifteen students turning to stare directly at me, desks creaking with the movement. "No, I was not", I exclaimed with a shaky and uncomfortable tone. Scoffing, my teacher again angrily replied "Do you even belong to a parish?". Once more feeling uncomfortable and ashamed, I responded with "No, I do not". Finally, after time had stretched and those past forty seconds had felt like an eternity, I was given one last glance and then the day had carried on.

I had made the choice myself to attend Catholic high school, and I can say with certainty I don't regret it. However, not being raised as a Roman Catholic brought me upon many uncomfortable situations. At times, I felt judged and belittled due to my choice on religious values. Choosing to not accommodate religion into my life is a choice both me and my parents had made, and was universally recognized in most parts of my life. Respecting and recognizing different beliefs is something I can pride myself on, but my values were often not reciprocated within my school environment. When given opinion-based assignments, I would generally do worse than my peers because I was speaking the truth of who I was and what I believed in. At the end of the day, I will always take the lower grade over lying and conforming my beliefs to those that I disagree with, because no amount of points is worth denying myself of who I truly am. If I wasn't made for the grade, then I wasn't made for the grade.

Undergraduate / My Younger Brothers Cancer [3]

common app prompt essay

I wrote this essay for the common app prompt. My English teacher urged us to stay away from cancer stories, but I feel this essay really speaks to my identity. Please let me know what you think, and if there are any corrections/if you think I should change the topic completely. Thanks!

Growing is an easy effort, and is hard to avoid due to the fact that it is inescapable when traveling through the journey of life. Growing up, however, can be colloquially defined as maturing your emotions and attitudes to those of an adult. Being raised as an only child was a privilege in my opinion. Although I had to experience my parents getting divorced and my father remarrying, my life was distant from being characterized as hard. The most substantial change in my life happened just after I had turned ten, when my brother was born.

Several months after my brother was born, he was diagnosed with Leukemia. That was one of the few times I witnessed my father cry. I had a hard time comprehending this concept at my age, and was tormented by thoughts of his future and health not reaching their fulfillment. I had made a promise to myself that I needed to be the best big sister and become a role model for him. My mom had custody of me at the time, and I was only able to see my brother around once a month. Each time I saw him, he displayed more and more signs of the illness. He was around 2 now, and bald from chemotherapy. He was so pale his veins were visible through his skin, and he had a port cut into his chest. At this point, I began to lose faith in God, wondering why he was taking life away from a child who had barely lived.

Unfortunately, in society today, healthcare is extravagantly expensive to the point where only the wealthy can afford to become sick. My family held fundraisers to help with the medical bills, but the costs were overwhelming. I thought my life at home couldn't get any worse, and I thought everything had hit rock bottom. This was until my stepmom, my brother's biological mother, decided to leave my family and move to Florida.

I was around thirteen now, and I knew that I had to keep the promise I had made to my brother 3 years ago. At this point, my father developed alcoholism, and my brother had no one. Not only was I his big sister, I was forced to morph into a maternal figure since his mother had left. This experience forced me to grow up incredibly fast, and I became incredibly mature for my age.

My experience in dealing with my brothers struggle through cancer changed me as a person. I was driven to become a better sister, daughter, and student because I have always been and always will be focused on making my family proud. I see the world through a different lense after almost losing my brother, now knowing that time is precious and shouldn't be wasted. My 5 year old brother taught me so much about life, and I carry his loving and fighting spirit with me everywhere I go. I hope that one day, I will be able to teach him some of what he taught me, and I hope he will be able to look at me as a role model.