purrfect1311
Feb 19, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2. Discuss about the importance of History and Science and Technology [5]
I think you might get a band 5.5 or 6 for this essay. (actually I'm not sure for that)
But here are my suggestions:
1. Link sentences
Some of your sentences are quite like you want to expand the number of words. For example, you can merge these sentences into one: "In History,we have learnt about legendary heroes, who fighted for peach and independence. Famous revolutions, dynasties have been learnt in History." It will make your essay easier for readers (and examiners of course) to follow your ideas.
2. Vocabulary and Grammar
Your vocab is good, but there are some mistakes like the word "statisty".
You also made some grammatical mistakes like "They are help us...". Remember to recheck your work next time!
I also suggest you use more diverse grammatical structures such as "Clause, Verb-ing", which or any other wh- words, etc. It will lengthen your sentences and make them more coherent!
Hope you improve next time.
I think you might get a band 5.5 or 6 for this essay. (actually I'm not sure for that)
But here are my suggestions:
1. Link sentences
Some of your sentences are quite like you want to expand the number of words. For example, you can merge these sentences into one: "In History,we have learnt about legendary heroes, who fighted for peach and independence. Famous revolutions, dynasties have been learnt in History." It will make your essay easier for readers (and examiners of course) to follow your ideas.
2. Vocabulary and Grammar
Your vocab is good, but there are some mistakes like the word "statisty".
You also made some grammatical mistakes like "They are help us...". Remember to recheck your work next time!
I also suggest you use more diverse grammatical structures such as "Clause, Verb-ing", which or any other wh- words, etc. It will lengthen your sentences and make them more coherent!
Hope you improve next time.
