kerry19910620
Mar 16, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Birth and Death rates in New Zealand, from 1901 to the prediction for 2101. [3]
My target score is 6.5 and if you could give a feedback of my writing, I would really appreciate it! Thanks!
The line graph illustrates the ratio of birth and death in New Zealand from 1901 to the prediction for 2101.
Overall, the birth rate increased drastically until 1961 and then fluctuated, but the general trend is expected to be downward. On the other hand, there was a fluctuation in the death rate between 1901 and 2001, but the overall trend was upward. By 2001, the ratio of death surged and it is forecast to reach a plateau in the final 40-year period.
Looking in more detail, the birth rate stood at 20,000 in the first year; however, it began rising to around 30,000. Despite a slight dip to around 28,000, by 1941 it had grew significantly to reach a peak of around 65,000 in 1961. After that, it fluctuated noticeably between 50,000 and 60,000 and it is estimated to decrease steadily to just above 40,000 in 2101.
By contrast, there was a gradual growth in the death rates from almost 10,000 to around triple that of the original figure in 1901. However, it increased dramatically and it is expected to peak at 60,000 in 2061. In the last 40 years. The death rate is likely to level off.
My target score is 6.5 and if you could give a feedback of my writing, I would really appreciate it! Thanks!
the ratio of birth and death in New Zealand
The line graph illustrates the ratio of birth and death in New Zealand from 1901 to the prediction for 2101.
Overall, the birth rate increased drastically until 1961 and then fluctuated, but the general trend is expected to be downward. On the other hand, there was a fluctuation in the death rate between 1901 and 2001, but the overall trend was upward. By 2001, the ratio of death surged and it is forecast to reach a plateau in the final 40-year period.
Looking in more detail, the birth rate stood at 20,000 in the first year; however, it began rising to around 30,000. Despite a slight dip to around 28,000, by 1941 it had grew significantly to reach a peak of around 65,000 in 1961. After that, it fluctuated noticeably between 50,000 and 60,000 and it is estimated to decrease steadily to just above 40,000 in 2101.
By contrast, there was a gradual growth in the death rates from almost 10,000 to around triple that of the original figure in 1901. However, it increased dramatically and it is expected to peak at 60,000 in 2061. In the last 40 years. The death rate is likely to level off.
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