Posts by justinshek

justinshek

May 26, 2020

Writing Feedback / It is neither time nor opportunity that is to determine intimacy. [3]

"They have a bond so beautiful" what do you mean?
"They have a bond so beautiful, it is hard to describe it in words" --> "their bondings are beyond your wildest imaginations."
Honestly, it is very difficult for me to understand what you are trying to say. You tried too hard on this essay, try to write more easy english first. The presentations of points are very poor, I cannot understand what the story is about, grammatic and sentence structure are poor, you can change it by using short sentences. Try it step by step before using complex sentence structures.

justinshek

May 26, 2020

Writing Feedback / ielts writing task2: wheter to accept bad situation or not? [3]

Add short conclusions on every paragraphs and introduction is too short, you must present your stance in the introduction otherwise no way you can get 6 or above. Do not copy vocab from the questions and avoid repetitive vocabs in the essay.

justinshek

May 26, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. [5]

Hello every writing experts, I am going to take the IELTS exam and I sincerely hope you all can give me some comments and hopefully a grade predictions. Thank you. I have taken the exam twice and my writing is stuck at 6. I really hope to get 7. Please help me. Thank you.

The consequences of eating too much fast food

Question: In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

With the ever-increasing obesity rate, whether or not the officials should implement a higher tax on fast food chains has become a widely debated topic. While many believe that it should be done to ensure public health, others maintain that they should not intervene business activity as well as people's living. Given that this food trend can bring adverse impact and the government are obligated to ensure people's health, I strongly agree that a higher tax should be imposed to raise the effectiveness on preventing citizens from over-consuming unhealthy fast food.

Concerning the negative effect, fast food restaurants sell extremely high calories food. As an example, McDonald's sell deep fried french fries, soda with high sugar content and unhealthy burger. They contain exceedingly high calories by which nutritionists said that a McDonald's cheeseburger with fries already exceeded the daily suggested sodium level intake. At best, costumers will be overweighted. At worst, they will suffer from chronic disease like coronary heart disease and diabetes. Raising the price allow people to think twice before buying them. Therefore, a higher selling price can impede citizens from eating foods with high fat content.

Regarding government's responsibility, they are responsible to ensure people's health. Given that high calories fast food can bring detrimental and even irreversible impact, the government should act on it by reducing the temptations. For instance, Hong Kong currently has a high duty on tobacco so as to control the number of smokers. In fact, the harmfulness of fast food is no less than that of cigarette. As a result, as a responsible government, raising the tax on unhealthy food can ensure the public's physical health.

Having discussed the harm on eating fast food and government's responsibility, I firmly believe that the officials should spare no efforts preventing citizens from harming their health through high calories foods. If the government could do so, I am confident that the obesity rate as well as the number of people suffering from chronic diseases could decline significantly.