Hello every writing experts, I am going to take the IELTS exam and I sincerely hope you all can give me some comments and hopefully a grade predictions. I really hope to get 7. Please help me. Thank you.
Accepting or overcoming difficulties
topic:Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. discuss both these views and give your own opinion
Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.
On the one hand, accepting a bad situation sounds natural to some. In our life we may face numerous adversities and obstacles, so we must get used to it and accept it, instead of trying to escape. Furthermore, stepping out of one's comfort zone and tackle the problem head-on is always the best chance for one to improve.
For the beginners in a new area, it is common to suffer from problems. however, it is also an opportunity to deal with them and learn the fundamental knowledge gradually, instead of finding short cuts or try to pick up the basics quickly without thoroughly understanding.
On the other hand, people consider it a better option to improve the situation. In their point of view, standing for the same situation may contribute to a vicious cycle and it is crucial to improve the situation. For example, occasionally, one's salary just doesn't match one's basic needed, and it is better to improve your skills to earn more money rather than intending to downsize your living expense.
In conclusion, trying to keep the balance between each side is important. The elasticity of measuring the situation is necessary, unlimitedly bearing difficulties or changing your situation is not the optimal decision. Evaluating the situation and adapt to it to some degree, at the same time, trying to improve it periodically is more preferable.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 You failed to discuss the essay in the proper manner. You were supposed to provide a 5 paragraph essay that focuses on delivering the following information:
- Restatement + Opinion (optional)
- Public point of view 1 (with group pronoun usage)
- Public point of view 2 (with group pronoun usage)
- Personal point of view (with 1st personal pronoun usage)
You did not present a complete paraphrase of the topic. You neglected to add information about how the discussion was to proceed based on the given discussion instructions. The actual discussion is also incomplete due to the lack of proper reference to the point of view. You cannot use a generalized discussion in this situation because there are 3 points of view that need to be represented in individual paragraphs.
I believe that you are studying on your own right? So you don't really have any solid examples of how to best approach this essay. You should look at the available samples of how to write this type of essay at this forum. Just tap on the Similar Discussions link to see related content. As of now, I cannot assess your essay beyond the TA section because that is actually what you failed to do in this essay. You failed to address the essay as per the formatting and discussion requirements of the original prompt. I showed you the outline that you should have used above. That is a start in terms of correcting the format of your discussion presentation for the comparative essay with personal opinion discussion format.
By the way, do not use conclusions with every paragraph. You should be using transition sentences to help introduce the next paragraph topic. The concluding sentence is only used at the end of the reverse paraphrase, which you did not properly do on this essay either.
