thanhlh84
Oct 20, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Luck is very important factor to succeed" - toefl ibt [2]
ainash
After reading your essay, I understand why no one has made response. Although my English writing is not really good, I would give you some advice and comments. Actually, I believe that you could write better if you were more careful.
Firstly, could you explain the question of your essay clearer? We may understand what it means but it is hard to believe that it is the question of a formal essay.
Secondly, I think that you should review the organization of an essay in many books such as: Barron , Delta Key, or Longman books. You are likely to know that an essay includes three parts: introduction, body, and conclusion, but you seem not to know how to write each parts. In addition, your ideas - sentences are incoherent and unconnected. You can feel this when reading your introduction.
EF_Simone gave me a good idea to make coherence that is asking the question 'why?' or 'How?' when you make statements.
Finally, you also made a lot of grammar mistakes as well as errors relating to use of words. In addition, you should keep in mind that in a formal essay we do not use contraction, such as 'don't', 'can't', 'they're', and so on. ( can't -> cannot).
...
ainash
After reading your essay, I understand why no one has made response. Although my English writing is not really good, I would give you some advice and comments. Actually, I believe that you could write better if you were more careful.
Firstly, could you explain the question of your essay clearer? We may understand what it means but it is hard to believe that it is the question of a formal essay.
Secondly, I think that you should review the organization of an essay in many books such as: Barron , Delta Key, or Longman books. You are likely to know that an essay includes three parts: introduction, body, and conclusion, but you seem not to know how to write each parts. In addition, your ideas - sentences are incoherent and unconnected. You can feel this when reading your introduction.
EF_Simone gave me a good idea to make coherence that is asking the question 'why?' or 'How?' when you make statements.
Finally, you also made a lot of grammar mistakes as well as errors relating to use of words. In addition, you should keep in mind that in a formal essay we do not use contraction, such as 'don't', 'can't', 'they're', and so on. ( can't -> cannot).
...
