Scholarship / High school science fair - Questbridge Proudest Achievement Short Answer [3]

Good evening! This is my first time creating a thread on EssayForum. I understand that it's a little late to be requesting feedback, But I'm requesting feedback on one of my questbridge short answers (i believe this is my worst short answer). Please provide honest feedback. Thanks in advance!

Tell us about one of your proudest achievements or moments and what it says about you.

Perhaps my proudest achievement was winning my high school science fair on two separate occasions. Prior to completing my project, I seriously doubted my ability to compete against other brilliant minds in such a competitive event, considering that my hydroelectric generator faintly generated enough voltage to power a mere .75 watt light bulb. However, I managed to improve upon its efficiency and ultimately win my school's science fair.. However, my pride doesn't stem from winning this competition. Being selected to attend the Gwinnett Regional Science and Engineering fair forced those who had previously doubted my ability to succeed in a major stem competition as an underrepresented minority to acknowledge my talents. Although I ultimately did not emerge victorious in the county science and engineering fair, these events revealed how sedulous of a person that truly am. Several of my peers have previously discouraged me from acting upon my interests in stem. However, I refused to falter in the face of pessimism and discouragement. Competing in the county science and engineering fair highlighted the potential achievements that I can yield as I continue to develop mentally.