Posts by Thien Bui

Thien Bui

Oct 9, 2020

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2: Release auto-driving vehicles. Advantage or Disavantage? [7]

In the introduction, you should state clearly your opinion. (this case you choose advantages).
You should try to use other similar words instead of "many" or "if not".
Besides, I don't think that giving the statistics is a good idea, cuz you can't remember everything, I mean in the real exam. Moreover, this is not a debate, so you don't even need to provide exact informations.

Thien Bui

Oct 2, 2020

Writing Feedback / The chart below gives information about Southland's main exports in 2000, *20.., and future projecti [2]

Please leave a comment on my writing task 1. I really need your help.

the export revenue of three crucial areas in Southland

The bar chart illustrates the export revenue of three crucial areas in Southland from 2000 to 2020, and the prediction for 2025.
Generally, the sales for international tourism and dairy products experience upward trends since 2000 while meat products export has reduced gradually. It is forecasted by 2025, only the international tourism revenue continuously increases. The profits of both dairy and meat products, however, tend to steadily decline in the future.

The tourism business has regularly increased to 9 billion pounds in 2020. However, while the sale of dairy products was comparatively low, about 7 billion pounds in 2000, it reaches a peak of 10 billion pounds presently. The meat products had a minimum sale of 6 billion pounds among the three areas in 2000. The trend has also decreased by half a billion pounds after 20 years.

According to future projections, tourism revenue skyrockets to 10 billion pounds. Nonetheless, both sales of dairy and meat products witness a downward trend, with nearly 9 billion pounds and 6 billion pounds respectively.

Thank you for your reading!!

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Thien Bui

Oct 1, 2020

Writing Feedback / The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development [3]

@Holt
Thank you very much for your advice! It's very helpful. I'll try to re-write the overall sentences as well as divide long sentences and separate the main section into 2 parts.

Thien Bui

Sep 30, 2020

Writing Feedback / The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development [3]

senior development position in IBM, microsoft and apple

The bar diagram demonstrates the proportion of men that participated in the senior development area in three different technology companies over a period of 30 years, starting from 1980.

Generally, it is immediately obvious that the participation of men in 2010 took the highest percentage compared to the other years in three companies.
Over the course of 30 years, IBM company witnessed a considerable increase to over 60 percent at the end of the period while its beginning percentage was extremely low, which was less than 5 percent. Particularly, its proportion in 2010 was nearly double to the data in the last 10 years. Regarding Microsoft company, its percentage remained relatively the same, at 10 percent on average, from 1980 to 2000 while shooting up to over 40 percent in 2010. The Apple corporation, on the other hand, had the highest proportion among the three companies in 1980, it gradually increased by 10 percent over three decades.

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