Posts by nhaianh2208

nhaianh2208

Nov 5, 2020

Writing Feedback / The percentage of people populated in urban areas in certain parts of the world - IELST task 1. [3]

I think you should divide your essay into paragraphs. In my opinion, ielts writing task 1 can always be divided into 3 paragraphs. Initially, you should write an introduction and overview. Then, your detail ideas will be presented in the next two paragraphs. Another thing to be noticed is you should put your ideas into group in a way that reader can find comparision.

nhaianh2208

Nov 5, 2020

Writing Feedback / People told that the internet is the most important inventions in later 30 years - agree or not? [4]

In your introduction, you used the phrase "told that" twice and I think you should avoid that. There is a common way to open your essay is paraphasing the question. For example, in this case, you can write:"There is no doubt that Internet had totally changed our lives in every aspects. It had blurred the distances among us and help human discover new hidden potential to bring our civilization to the next level. However, this remains an argument whether Internet can be considered as the most imporant invention of the last 30 years. In my opinion, although Internet is a great invention, it is not the most important. I will explain my statement further in this ess

ay"

nhaianh2208

Nov 5, 2020

Writing Feedback / [Ielts Writing task 1] Summerise information from a graph and table about water consumption [2]

global water use by sector

The given graph illustrates the amount of water used by sector globally each year in the 20th century, while the table compares the water consumption in Brazil and Congo in 2000. Overall, it can be seen that the amount of water used in all 3 sectors worldwide sky-rocketed in this period and the water consumption in Brazil is significantly bigger than in Congo.

To begin with change in global water use in the period of 1900-2000, at first, water was used mainly in agriculture, this sector used approximately 500 km3 of water while these figures of the two other sectors were nearly equal to zero. However, the rising trend was sustained year by year in every sectors. As a result, in 2000, industrial use and domestic use approached the number of 1100 km3 and 200 km3 respectively. Agriculture remained the major-used sector and consumed more than 3000 km3 of water at the end of the 20th century.

Secondly, the consumption of water was not only totally different among sectors but also among countries. This difference may be brought about due to the irrigation system in each country. As we can see from the table, the area to construct irrgation system in Brazil in 2000 was about 26,500 km2, which was 265 times bigger than in Congo. Consequently, the water consumption per person was nearly 360 m3 while this number of Congo was only 8m3.

Note: I am studying Ielts for the first time of my life so I may have many mistakes in my essay. Therefore, if you dont mind, it would be better for my practice when you give me a mark. Finally, I sincerely thank you for your attention and help!

the graph and table