blackberries
Oct 19, 2009
Undergraduate / "Idiot." - Too naive or too dense? Ivy league Common App main essay [5]
I really really really liked your essay.. A LOT! I don't think it sounds rude and pompous at all, and I personally really liked the 'i lived' part, it's true that it is a little rambling and unfocused, but how are you suppose to tie up your life in one key experience? I felt a very strong connection to your essay because I moved around a lot when I was little as well. I struggled to learn different languages also (not three, but still) and I struggled to adapt to new cultures and go back into old ones. I know what it's like to move several times and I know there is no way to describe it in one 'key experience.' I don't actually understand the thing about 'I' is a verb, because to live, you must do, not be." maybe you could tell me what it's supposed to mean...I tried thinking about it, but I find it rather confusing...I especially liked the part about water, although there is a small grammatical error there
what market merchandise would I wanted to be? - what would I want to be
I know what you mean by water. I actually used it in my essay for mit, i talked about how im a river that shapes mountains and that all the places I pass by leave a part of themselves in me, hahah but what i mean by saying that, is that water is fluid, it can adjust to surroundings, but it can have some negative connotations because its transparent and bland. I think you also may want to emphasize that water is special in that it has qualities to adjust to its environment, fill any shape, any cup, but at the same time water is powerful and strong. It shapes boulders and canyons.
I also really like the beginning, with idiot. I definitely have been in your shoes...I've gone through plenty of those. And no! its not naive! and its not dense! i think it's not naive because you address your naivety, you admit that you're a teenager, and its not naive to admit that youre naive (or am i just telling myself that?) It's not dense, it feels very loose to me, I personally really enjoyed reading it!
What schools are you applying to?
I really really really liked your essay.. A LOT! I don't think it sounds rude and pompous at all, and I personally really liked the 'i lived' part, it's true that it is a little rambling and unfocused, but how are you suppose to tie up your life in one key experience? I felt a very strong connection to your essay because I moved around a lot when I was little as well. I struggled to learn different languages also (not three, but still) and I struggled to adapt to new cultures and go back into old ones. I know what it's like to move several times and I know there is no way to describe it in one 'key experience.' I don't actually understand the thing about 'I' is a verb, because to live, you must do, not be." maybe you could tell me what it's supposed to mean...I tried thinking about it, but I find it rather confusing...I especially liked the part about water, although there is a small grammatical error there
what market merchandise would I wanted to be? - what would I want to be
I know what you mean by water. I actually used it in my essay for mit, i talked about how im a river that shapes mountains and that all the places I pass by leave a part of themselves in me, hahah but what i mean by saying that, is that water is fluid, it can adjust to surroundings, but it can have some negative connotations because its transparent and bland. I think you also may want to emphasize that water is special in that it has qualities to adjust to its environment, fill any shape, any cup, but at the same time water is powerful and strong. It shapes boulders and canyons.
I also really like the beginning, with idiot. I definitely have been in your shoes...I've gone through plenty of those. And no! its not naive! and its not dense! i think it's not naive because you address your naivety, you admit that you're a teenager, and its not naive to admit that youre naive (or am i just telling myself that?) It's not dense, it feels very loose to me, I personally really enjoyed reading it!
What schools are you applying to?