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Posts by phatblack
Name: black phat
Joined: Feb 26, 2021
Last Post: Apr 9, 2021
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  
From: Viet Nam
School: MinhKhai

Displayed posts: 4
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phatblack   
Apr 9, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 Discussion - The study of food science and its preparation [2]

Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think students should spend time on important subjects.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.



Essay:

People's opinions differ as to whether or not students should take courses on food science and preparation. Although there are some strong arguments in favour of the teaching of food as a subject in schools, I still support the view that this idea is problematic and completely impractical.

The positive implications of food teaching in schools are often discussed in terms of its impact on students' dietary habits. It is recognized that teenagers engaged in nutrition education activities are more likely to make healthy food choices and have greater acceptance of eating a variety of foods. At the same time, this would also lead to reduced reliance on precooked, convenience foods that are proven to provide little nutritional value and have a detrimental effect on their health, as they are equipped with cooking skills to prepare their own meals. Clearly all of these things will ensure a nutritionally adequate and balanced diet among these students, therefore promoting health and well-being and reducing the risks of overweight and obesity in childhood and adolescence.

In spite of the above arguments, I share the concerns of people who believe that the teaching of food could cause unnecessary difficulties. Firstly, there is no doubt that recipe ingredients and large pieces of equipment, such as ovens and fridges, needed for an entire class or for multiple classes might be costly. Classes in schools with low budgets therefore may lack some cooking essentials, and this could lead to limited class size or even ineffective teaching. Secondly, many schools struggle to design a specific curriculum for subjects other than the core ones, which means there may not be time for a separate food and nutrition course. This would explain why it is often integrated into the teaching of such science subjects like biology and chemistry, and currently this seems to be the best system.

In conclusion, while the teaching of nutrition and food preparation in schools might seem like a good idea, I do not see it as workable and strictly necessary.(335 words)
phatblack   
Apr 9, 2021
Writing Feedback / These days, in many countries, fewer and fewer people want to become teachers in secondary schools [3]

Well, I would like to have some feedback on your writing.
1/ You have made a big mistake in your restatement. The topic is about "secondary schools", not "elementary school".
2/ You were really careless in your writing. There are a huge number of spelling and grammar mistakes that surely will reduce your score. I will just mention a few of them: comparision -> comparison; highly -> high; teachers shortage -> teacher shortage.

3/ You could take into consideration element relating to word choice in your essay, such as 'join teaching industry' should be 'enter the teaching profession' or "designing the lesson plan" rather than "programming the class curriculum" as to "program" is to "write a series of instructions that make a computer perform a particular operation" (from a online dictionary).
phatblack   
Mar 11, 2021
Writing Feedback / It is unreasonable to say that a wild animal has no place in the 21st century. IELTS 2 [4]

Hi! I would like to have some feedbacks on your writing.

1/ You should never write about others' opinion in an opinion essay: "Furthermore, many scientists agree that nature has ...". In doing so, you are at risk of giving an irrelevant response to the prompt. You had better change it into something like: "Furthermore, I also believe that nature has a very important standing in human life."

2/ You should avoid sentences like this: "No oxygen. No stable climate." if you would like to improve your C&C score. It should have been: "Destroying these lands will have a huge negative impact on the natural environment, as it would be very likely to result in a lack of oxygen and climate instability."

3/ This is an formal essay and an exclamation mark (!) should not be used.
phatblack   
Feb 26, 2021
Writing Feedback / Maths and business success - IELTS Writing Task 2 Opinion Essay [2]

To succeed in a business, one needs to be good at maths.


To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?


Essay:

It is sometimes argued that good math skills are the key for employees to attain success in the workplace. While I recognize the importance of mathematics in business, I also believe that there are other factors that more significantly contribute to company achievement.

On the one hand, I agree that math proficiency is certainly necessary in the workplace. There are a number of jobs essential in a business that require high levels of calculations, such as accounting and financial analysis. Therefore, those with solid math skills are more likely to carry out these tasks with greater effectiveness and precision than others. Perhaps more importantly, I believe math skills - particularly numeracy and numerical problem solving - are closely associated with broader cognitive ability. This ability really matters because it is reflective of a person's capacity to think critically and solve problems, both of which are key skills that contribute to employees' job performance.

On the other hand, I believe that one still can achieve success in business without a background in math. In the modern age, we already have access to computers and calculators that are clearly able to take on more complicated math functions using a large amount of data. This means that highly calculative work in a business will no longer require humans to perform. Furthermore, I would argue that such factors like leadership style, organizational structure, and innovation are more important from a business perspective, and surely these things do not require any excellent math skills. For instance, effective communication and collaboration among employees as well as managers are non-math-related factors crucial to drive the company to success and growth.

In conclusion, while math is an integral part of managing business, I do not see it as the most significant contributor to a business's success. (296 words)
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