Posts by alx301

alx301

Dec 18, 2021

Writing Feedback / How the Internet affect one's critical thinking? [4]

@Wingw

Your structure is pretty clear and easy to read: Introduction - Example - Conclusion. However, it would be better if you separate them by paragraphs. Using paragraphs increases your band score because it'll be easier to read, and the message you're trying to convey is clearer.

Also, your band score can also increase if you use personal statements such as "I believe", "In my opinion", "In my experience", etc. instead of taking the general opinion.

I also agree with @kaching00, some sentences can run on too long.

This allows people to post things online ...

This can be divided into 3 sentences within a paragraph.

Lastly, word processing tools can be useful tools to correct typos and grammatical errors. I often use them to learn how to correctly type certain words and phrases.

Good luck!

alx301

Dec 12, 2021

Writing Feedback / IELTS Opinion Essay Writing Task: "Prevention is better than cure". [3]

@Holt

I initially thought I could agree with both ("preventive measures and proper cure are both equally important"), but it does seem like I'm not confident enough to pick a side. I'll make sure to keep this in mind. Thank you so much for the feedback!

alx301

Dec 12, 2021

Writing Feedback / IELTS Opinion Essay Writing Task: "Prevention is better than cure". [3]

Prompt:

"Prevention is better than cure."

Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventive measures.
To what extent do you agree?

In the current climate where our health is seemingly on the line, both preventive measures and finding possible cures are equally important. I agree to a certain extent that preventive measures are important and should be enforced to everyone to minimize the possibility of getting sick, however, I also believe that investing in finding the proper cure is just as important.

Proper preventive measures also stem from extensive research through understanding how the diseases and viruses work and whether they will regenerate into something worse in the future. With the COVID-19 pandemic on the rise, vaccines are one of the best preventive measures for it, but in developing those vaccines, a lot of resources were needed; perhaps, as much resources it would need to find a cure.

From my friends and family's experiences, terminal diseases such as cancer are difficult to detect and prevent. Some of my cancer-ridden friends and family don't even know they had it until the symptoms were felt. It is difficult to prevent something you didn't know you had, especially when diseases like cancer don't really care whether you exercise every day or drink alcohol every night. Because of this, it is just as important to invest in finding cures for diseases, especially when they are undetectable by the naked eye.

In the end, governments and health organizations should invest in both preventive measures and finding cures for diseases. Viruses and diseases will continually evolve, as they should. It is our job to continuously be alert to prevent them, but when the front lines of prevention have been infiltrated, our healthcare system should still be adept in providing the proper cure.