Undergraduate / USC Essay - Relfect on a Challenge: Surfing [3]

Does it answer the prompt? What can I add/elaborate on?
Thanks

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Thomas Edison failed many times before successfully inventing the modern electric light bulb. He said, "If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward." Reflect on a challenge you overcame through persistence

Water is the element that sustains life; however, my experiences with water have put me in situations where I struggled to survive. I have tried my fair share of water activities such as competitive swimming, water polo, and wakeboarding, but each ended with disastrous results. The worst was a trip to Hawaii where an unforgiving wave knocked me off my feet and pulled me into the ocean. The current was so strong that I thought my fear of death by drowning would come true at that instant. After trying to anchor myself by clawing at the sand, my father pulled me to safety. Since then, I have been uncomfortable in water, especially if my feet cannot touch the ground.

This past summer, I decided to take another chance at the ocean and try my hand at surfing. I was hesitant to make this decision because of my past experiences but the reassurance of the instructor made me comfortable with the risk I was about to take. As I climbed onto my board, I knew this was not going to be easy. My arms quickly tired after the first few strokes and my face had already been hit by heaps of salt water; yet I continued to paddle out into the vast ocean. When we reached a calmer part of the water, my instructor talked me through the steps of mounting the board. "Just like we practiced," he said as I looked at him with a worried expression, "You're going to be fine. If you think you're going to fall, just fall off." That was easy for him to say, but I was doubtful I would be able to do as he coached me.

Moments after, my teacher told me I was going to ride the next wave. Though hesitant, I felt an extra push on my board as I glided along the water. I heard his shouts in the background but could not make out what he was saying so I followed the steps that we had practiced: paddle, balance, mount, stand up. "Just like snowboarding," I told myself. To my surprise, I had successfully ridden the wave and descended into the water as the wave died out. Ecstatic from my accomplishment, I used all my strength to paddle back out to the calmer waters. Regardless of my past experience, I was able to overcome my fear and take a chance - or so I thought.

My next few attempts were washouts. Though mildly discouraged, I decided to try it one more time. I received the same push on my board and just like previous failures, plunged into the crashing waves. But this time, I was not able to escape the set of waves as easily as I had the others. When I managed to break the water's surface and gasp for air or yell for help, another wave would crash onto me, pushing me back to the bottom of the ocean. While engulfed by the waves, I had an existential crisis and revelation. In a sense, I was entirely free, yet constrained by my watery circumstances. I was free to make the decision whether to fight for my life or cave into my fear and allow Mother Nature to toss me around in the water. In order to survive, I had to fight through the challenges that faced me; the only way I could confront my fear was to take a chance and leap into the unexpected.

While struggling out of the waves, I realized I was alone but surrounded, powerful but overpowered. I had the physical power to swim out of the breaks, but I also had the power to determine the direction of my future. I could either sink or swim. By taking another chance in the ocean, I asserted my confidence by stepping outside of my comfort zone to try something new despite my past experiences. As an individual, I know I cannot always rely on others and that I must fight through my own struggles, but I am also not afraid to ask for help and guidance when I need it.

Undergraduate / To China and Back - UC Prompt 1 [2]

My attempt at the UC Prompt 1 Essay
I'm not sure if I addressed the question properly?
All comments/feedback greatly appreciated. Thanks

Question:
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Response:

I come from two worlds - one which embodies my American lifestyle, the other my Chinese upbringing. These two worlds, though different, have both affected my life. Living in California has influenced my ever-changing thoughts and interests, but my Chinese background has laid the foundation for how I view the world.

Both of my parents emigrated from Hong Kong to California as teenagers in pursuit of the American Dream. They were the first in their families to attend college and receive a degree. Through their hard work, they have paved a path of opportunities for my brother and me.

My brother and I grew up as Asian Americans in a predominantly Caucasian neighborhood. Though I do not remember much of my first few years there, I do recall being rattled when my mother announced we were moving to China. I could hardly comprehend what living in an utterly different and rapidly changing world might entail.

In China, my family and I lived comfortably as Westerners in an expat housing commune. Though we lived in the teeming city of Beijing, my limited knowledge blinded me from most of the hardships of the world beyond the gates of my community. Three years after we settled down, we abruptly headed back to California. We returned to our previous home, as if nothing had changed. But living in China had created a gap that separated me from my old friends. This gap widened when I went to an all girls' school fifteen minutes away from home. My school, however, provided me with new opportunities to discover my identity.

One opportunity that my school presented me with allowed me to merge my American and Chinese worlds into one. During my junior year, my school sent my entire class to China as part of a program to educate students about other cultures. This time a visitor, I was preoccupied with the excitement of returning and overwhelmed with a sense of nostalgia. On this trip, I was exposed to the many different worlds within China. We interviewed a range of men, women and students, experienced a dinner with a rural Chinese family, and shadowed the IDEO office in Shanghai. These experiences opened my eyes to the other developments occurring in China, issues of a greater scope than the trivialities of my personal experiences.

Returning to China with a different perspective allowed me to grasp the idea that I am not separately defined by these worlds but instead am a product of the two. Living in China, I was exposed to a different life than I would not have seen otherwise. While the confrontation by beggars and sight of bare-bottomed babies shocked my classmates, I was familiar with these sights. My Chinese history and upbringing have taught me to be open to new ideas and cultures as well as the important principles of diligence, self-sufficiency, and gratitude.

With my foundation and past experiences, I have become comfortable with my two worlds but have also discovered how the two can interact. Having observed the disparities between California and China, I have noticed the best products are developed from a combination of ideas. My upbringing allows me to look at a situation from different perspectives. As a hybrid of two distinct cultures, I want to combine my interests of art and design with a quality education to challenge already existing creations and make new products, whether it may be revolutionary or even as simple as a new music player. My background of two different worlds is the first step that will allow me to become a part of the 21st century's global community.