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"the difference between everyone" - I need help with it-UC prompt 1


xtyxty 3 / 7  
Nov 28, 2009   #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

From the moment I opened my eyes, I realized the difference between everyone. As a teenager of seventeen-year-old, I have average height and below average weight, just like a normal person among the crowd. But I am not that identical to everyone else, my black hair, black eyes, and yellow skins will easily betray me. If anyone gets to know me, he will find out that no one is even similar to me at least in the town. From time to time, I have to make changes to fit in the environment around me since I am always different. The progress for an upside-down change is not just hard, but sometimes effortless. After so many efforts and obstacles, I manage to solve all problems and realize my unique is a gift.

I was born a Chinese, and given a Chinese name. I was sent to boarding school until the end of eighth grade. I learned a lot from the school, include the common curriculum knowledge, some early tested subjects like English and use of Computer, and the most important class-how to take care of myself. All these knowledge gave me comprehension to the understanding of the world, while such independent environment also distinguished me from the narcissism. In the summer prior to my beginning of high school, I arrived in the United States of America.

After the initial shock of the superficial difference, I realized the people in the world were similar to each other despite the outside. Americans were not the capitalists who have blonde hairs, blue eyes, and enthusiastic about the domination of the world, but rather an union of states, ethics, and ideas. The treasure of America was not just material gain, but also the heritage of classical study. Study of reasoning and perspective was helpful for me to analyze things I was unable to understand at first. I know how to look thing from different point of view based on my experience. I believe my difference will create new diversity and creativity for other students in the campus.

I will bring my unique personality and background to the pool of diversity in your college. My effort and enthusiasm will bring achievements and honors to the school. Also, I was well college prepared. During the four year education of my high school life, I have encountered and solved numerous obstacles. I was also prepared for the college curriculum and styles of class. The college-level class like AP helps me prepare and ready for the college study. I will achieve success in the college.
dman - / 12  
Nov 28, 2009   #2
As a teenager of seventeen-years -old...

and yellow skins will easily betray me
~
yellow skins? Do you mean, your yellow skin?

If anyone gets to know me, they will find out that no one is even similar to me, at least in the town.
~
Try fixing the wording in this part of the sentence. they will find out that no one is even similar to me.

After so many efforts and obstacles, I managed to solve all my problems and realized my unique is a gift.
~
I don't believe you can have so many efforts, try to find another word that gets your point across.

I was born a Chinese, and given a Chinese name.
~
I wouldn't really call it a gift. There are a lot of people that were born in China and were given a Chinese name.

Honestly, it's a good essay, but this topic is being used over and over.
Wish you luck, though!
brngmchllthhrzn 2 / 2  
Nov 28, 2009   #3
Maybe talk about a specific instance when you realized that "Americans were not the capitalists who have blonde hairs, blue eyes, and enthusiastic about the domination of the world"


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