Undergraduate / "wait for my new test scores" - My letter of appeal to USF [2]

So I got that painstaking thin envelop in the mail and i got denied admission in to USF. This is my appeal letter, will you help me revise it.

I think I can speak for most high school seniors and say that applying to colleges can be very stressful. In fact your whole senior year can be quite hectic from keeping grades up in those advance classes, to all the standardized testing, and applying for college. I didn't know too much about applying to colleges until I was talking to some friends about it and why I shouldn't just try and apply. And it only took a tour of USF to turn my act around.

I have already taking both an ACT and SAT, but scoring poorly on both. But really I am not that great of a standardized test taker. And on top of that there were a lot of things going on in my mind. With these tough economic hardships losing a job can be tough on a family physically and mentally. And never really thinking that it would happen to me my mother had lost her job. This was very hard because she was the main income of the family, with my dad not having much of an income it was going to be hard finding a way to nourish a family of eight. Going in to the test was very hard because for the past few weeks I couldn't sleep very well. And with all these things on my mind it was difficult to concentrate on the test alone.

Also not knowing much about applying to college I was looking at applying to college like applying for a job. All I was trying to do was get my name in the eyes of USF admission workers. But with two very low scores I was hoping to get differed rather than denied.

But now thing are starting to brighten. Since my mother has gotten a different job she put me into an ACT tutoring course. I have already taken my test on February 6, 2010 and am just waiting on the scores to get here. I have been excelling in track and field, as well as being asked to join the National Scholars of High School. I have been keeping my grades up nothing below a C and will be sending you a copy of my progress report as well as some recommendation letters from some teachers and my swim coach.

I understand the admissions office must receive over thousands of applications. But, when I sent mine in I really didn't have much to offer or make me stand out from the rest. And all I am asking is wait for my new test scores to come in and recheck my application status. Because I am willing to do anything to spread the USF motto of "Truth and Wisdom" throughout the community of Tampa.

P.S.
I am gonna need to mail this out tomorrow, so please help me!

Undergraduate / University of Florida Admission essay: Key event that happend in your life [3]

Describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your family, your school or community activities, or your involvement in areas outside of school.

As I look up in to the tall Oak tree, I see a piece of shrapnel mangled and bent around a branch. I can't help but look and think of the day Hurricane Charley hit my peaceful quiet town of Charlotte Harbor August 13, 2004. I still remember the devastation it did to the town and the community.

It was just a little bit before five o'clock when the news came on telling us Charley is making a sudden turn south west Florida. That little segment on the news was the last time I would ever see any electricity again. The winds of Charley came through the town with no mercy at all; making trees snap like twigs, roofs peel off like an orange skin, and moving cars around like they're just little children's toys. All that my family could do was wait and watch.

With the end of the storms wrath finally at ease, we had our first chance to look at the neighborhood. The whole block was just a turbid vision, everything around me was unrecognizable. There was nothing of this town that looked remotely the same. With nothing to care for ourselves with we were all just stuck. But then we had some hope; it was the American Red Cross that assisted my family as well as many others. And with the food and relief the gave people, I knew that I wanted to be apart of this group of people.

So, after that encounter I volunteered to help the community that gave back so much to me. Helping people put tarps on the roofs of their house, to giving people water and food, I was very versatile in the time of need. I had a predilection for helping the people in need around me. I branched off from that incident to just giving community service hours for the sake of the community. While working with others as a team we accomplished so much.

And with that in mind I can bring a lot to the campus of University of Florida. I can help build a team to help the community in the time of need. With a quote from one of the great civil rights leaders and one who truly stood for his community Martin Luther King Jr. "Everybody can be great... because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love." And with the mentality I truly can be a great contribution to the University of Florida as a student and a volunteer to the community.

-I am a senior in high school hoping to go to UF. Help me revise tell me anything to add, fix, anything. Just for an fiy I am at the 450 word limit i dont know how many characters though.(I looked at the preview and the forum didnt indent any of my paragraphs; the indents are there.)

-Matt