Posts by Himyfr

Himyfr

May 5, 2021

Writing Feedback / Different proportions of energy production sources in two years 1995 and 2005. [3]

You used the words 'account for' too much. I think you should use other phrases like make up, constitute, contribute...

There may be a wrong thing here:
the second-largest ~~percentage was accounted for by~~ share belonged to Gas (I suggest that because I think it sounds more sense)

they were still 2 sources => the two remaining sectors made up...

Himyfr

May 5, 2021

Writing Feedback / The proportion of online sales in four types of products and services in Canada [2]

online shopping sales (retail sectors)

The two pie chart illustrate the proportion of online sales in four types of products and services in Canada during the 5-year period.
Overall, is it clear that Electronics and appliance was the largest segment in 2005, but the first rank was replaced by Food and Beverage in the year 2010. The online earning from Food and beverage and video games increased, while that of electronics and appliances and home furnishings declined over the period shown.

In 2005, 35% of the total selling was Electronic and Appliances, followed by Home furnishings sector, at a quarter. Both retailers witnessed a moderate fall by 5% and 10% in Electronic and appliances and Home furnishings respectively at the end of the period.

On the other hand, Food and beverage sectors accounted for 22% in2005, and there was a dramatic rise to 32% in 2010. A similar pattern was seen in video games, with the figure increasing by 5% in 2010.

This is task 1 of Ielts writing done by me. Please help me correct mistakes if I am wrong somewhere. I am happy to listen from you. Thank you very much!

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