Undergraduate / 'From a Catholic Indian' - How I Can Contribute to UPenn's Community [8]

Your essay is well written. You didn't spread yourself out thinly or concentrate on just one club. I liked how you touched base on a number of different characteristics that might not have been revealed as fully on the other parts of your app.

"I also desire to help other groups such as Operation Smile, organizations that have touched my heart one too many times for me to sit back and not act for it ."

goodluck

Undergraduate / Upenn- Page 217 Middle-aged teenager [5]

wow, I must say I absolutely love this essay- especially the last line! I like it just the way it is now. I don't think you should change it to "as" instead of "while"