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Posts by smallfry320
Joined: Nov 1, 2009
Last Post: Nov 2, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
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smallfry320   
Nov 1, 2009
Undergraduate / Statement - I come to Brooklyn to teach these kids [4]

I loved this essay!
I love the language you used to show the transition of your feelings of exasperation towards the kids to understanding for them.
Impressive stuff.
smallfry320   
Nov 1, 2009
Undergraduate / Common Application Volleyball essay; My family is notoriously terrible at sports [4]

I am really struggling with the last couple paragraphs. I know they're weak, but I'm having trouble adjusting them. Any advice/constructive criticism is very welcome! Here is the essay:

My family is notoriously terrible at sports. Musical talent is common among the Warfields, but athletics? Certainly not. From an early age it was clear that I was no exception. I was plainly the underdog in my children's ballet class, and nearly every lesson ended in tears. I also failed beginners swimming - not once, but twice. Undeterred, I tried figure skating, too, and while the results were less disastrous, I was by no means a star pupil.

When I quit figure skating at the beginning of junior high, my faith in my athletic ability was at an all-time low. Still unwilling to give up entirely, however, I decided that I would give myself one more chance; I would try one final sport and give it my absolute best. If I didn't succeed, I would put athletics behind me for good. Conveniently, my school's small volleyball team was open to all who wanted to join. This, I decided, would be my challenge.

As expected, things didn't go so well; I couldn't pass, I couldn't set, and at 4' 10", I certainly could not spike the ball. In short, I had no business whatsoever on a volleyball court. But I couldn't bring myself to quit. I felt a need to prove myself - to complete my self-imposed challenge. And so, frustrated as I was, I persevered.

The process was very slow at first, but I eventually began to see signs of progress. The more I improved, the more I enjoyed myself, and the more I enjoyed myself, the more I seemed to improve. And so it went. The following year, to my family's great surprise, I rejoined the team without hesitation.

In my freshman year of high school, I played on the junior varsity team. By the end of the season I was moved up to the varsity team. It was then that I really began to gain more confidence in my ability, and the sense of athletic inferiority that I had once felt began to disintegrate. This is not to say that I am now an extraordinary volleyball talent, but I have certainly progressed beyond anything I would have thought possible.

I still feel a thrill, a nervous anticipation, whenever I set foot on the court. But now, it seems, the excitement outweighs the fear; I have learned to curb the nervous jitters, and not to play in fear of making mistakes. Without mistakes, I would never have improved.

I feel that my experience with volleyball has taught me to challenge myself and to step out of my comfort zone. As the next stage of my life approaches and I break away from the life I've always known and enter into something completely new and different, I am certain that these skills will help me a great deal. Most importantly, my seven years of volleyball have taught me the invaluable lesson that with determination and perseverance, success can be achieved.
smallfry320   
Nov 2, 2009
Book Reports / King Lear essay tracing Lear's progress in Act 2 [24]

In the beginning he tried to manipulate his daughters - he forced them to declare their love for him, and when Cordelia's profession of affection was not sufficient, he disowned her.

...maybe that helps?! I don't know.
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