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Posts by anuj1450
Joined: Nov 1, 2009
Last Post: Nov 1, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 6  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 7
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anuj1450   
Nov 1, 2009
Essays / Applying for the University of Miami... My essay is over the word limit--- what do I do? [8]

You should really stick to the limit, it's there for a reason.

Like all of the other posts, you should put a copy up on this forum and let us take a look at it.

Remove any wordy or unnecessary phrases, and keep the most important parts of the essay. Remember, they realize that you cannot tell your whole life's story in 300-400 words.

GOOD LUCK!
anuj1450   
Nov 1, 2009
Undergraduate / u of i essay on engineering....academic interests/professional goals [3]

I think you might want to take out the "The College of Engineering at the University of Illinois is considered one of the best in the world. " part of your essay. I would assume that the people reading your application already know all about the school.

Also, I would suggest using as much of the 300 words as possible. That will allow you to give them more incite into who you are.
anuj1450   
Nov 1, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Project WORTHY'. I need to cut some of this UIUC essay down, can you help? [9]

REVISED:

READ ABOVE

Another Version:

As a freshman in high school, my Introduction to Engineering Design teacher presented me with an application for Project WORTHY, a program for high school students interested in pursuing engineering or business. I chose to apply for the program because of my interest in engineering and my curiosity about the corporate world.

I expected a lot from the program, but I underestimated how much and how fast I would learn. My interview was at Northrop Grumman, and for the first time outside of school, I was able to showcase my talents and ambitions.

One portion of Project WORTHY is learning the basics of the corporate world such as teamwork, presentation skills, and how I fit in. Another part of the program allowed me to work on my own engineering projects. The first year, I chose to explore radio frequency jamming and controlling. I learned how to use equipment such as signal generators, oscilloscopes, and spectrum analyzers to read a radio wave, and then generate a wave that can cripple a robot. I then moved on to programming that same robot during my junior year. This year, I wanted to incorporate my knowledge from engineering classes at school, with the resources at Northrop Grumman. I am designing, programming, building, and marketing a fuel economy gauge for automobiles.

The summer enrichment portion of the program was particularly beneficial. Each summer, students in the program collaborate on an engineering project. During my first summer, I was elected CEO of the mock company. My company built a robot and presented it to executives at Northrop Grumman. This past summer, I was the student lead for the program. It was an amazing opportunity to be in a management position, even with the longer hours, because that is where I see myself in the future.

WORD COUNT: 299

Any input, especially from mods and senior members, would be great!
anuj1450   
Nov 1, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Project WORTHY'. I need to cut some of this UIUC essay down, can you help? [9]

byflash
Thanks for your help cutting it down a little!

However, I still need to cut a lot more in order to include a conclusion. I think it is necessary because the essay is slightly missing the "how you benefited" portion of the prompt.

By the way, the position was actually called "Student Lead"
anuj1450   
Nov 1, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Project WORTHY'. I need to cut some of this UIUC essay down, can you help? [9]

Hi everybody, it's last minute so if you can help me please don't hesitate!! I need some help cutting down the essay so I can include some sort of conclusion; I feel like I'm missing part of the prompt. If you have any suggestions, or comments, please feel free to let me know. By the way, I wont have the spaces between paragraphs, this is just so I can have some formatting on the forum post.

Prompt: In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience, or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.

EDITED

As a freshman in high school, my Introduction to Engineering Design teacher presented me with an application for Project WORTHY, a program for high school students interested in pursuing engineering or business. I chose to apply for the program because of my interest in engineering and my curiosity about the corporate world.

I expected a lot from the program, but I underestimated how much and how fast I would learn. My interview was at Northrop Grumman, and for the first time outside of school, I was able to showcase my talents and ambitions. For the next three months, as I waited for my acceptance letter, I could only think about Project WORTHY.

As part of the program, I have been able to work on my own engineering projects. The first year, I chose to explore radio frequency jamming and controlling. I learned how to use equipment such as signal generators, oscilloscopes, and spectrum analyzers to read a radio wave, and then generate a wave that can cripple a robot. I then moved on to programming that same robot during my junior year. This year, I wanted to incorporate what I had learned in my engineering classes at school, with the resources at Northrop Grumman. I am designing, programming, building, and marketing a fuel economy gauge for automobiles.

The summer enrichment portion of the program was particularly beneficial. Each summer, students in the program collaborate on an engineering project. During my first summer, I was elected CEO of the mock company. My company built a robot and presented it to executives at Northrop Grumman. This past summer, I was the student lead for the program. It was an amazing opportunity to be in a management position, even with the longer hours, because that is where I see myself in the future.

Thank you in advance for all of your help!
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